Nurse the Hate: Hate Occupy Cleveland?

It’s hard to believe that those five guys couldn’t successfully blow up a bridge. I mean, I look at them and I say to myself, “I’ll just bet those fellas could do anything they have their minds set on. There is no limit to the possibilities of their achievement!”. To those that are not aware, these five guys decided that they should blow something up as part of a hazy connection to their involvement to the Occupy Movement. I can understand why they might want to get a new project going. The idea of putting 50 or so hippies in tents on public squares has for some reason failed to topple the existing economic structure. When you are sitting around in a tent holding up hastily constructed cardboard signs, sooner or later someone is going to say “This sucks. We should do something really cool.” In that case, I would have probably said “Start a band!”. However, this particular group of dudes decided on blowing something up.

The tough thing in Cleveland if you are an amateur anarchist is that there really aren’t too many things you can blow up that will get people worked up. They discussed all kinds of lame targets like the Free Stamp (a horrible statue) and the Horseshoe Casino (which probably has tighter security than the Pentagon), and the Federal Reserve. How they settled on a suburban bridge in a sleepy community, I’m not sure. I would have gone another way. Browns Stadium would have been much cooler to blow up and a solution to the fiasco that goes on there every Fall. However, I think we can agree on the photos above, this is not exactly a Dream Team that was assembled. What a crew. When a movie is shot with a nefarious group of thugs planning evil deeds, they usually have the mad genius ringleader. Which one of those guys looks like a mad genius? Maybe the guy with the goatee and the skullet.  Those guys all look like they hang dry wall or are roadies for the Melvins.

The one thing I have learned from the news is that anytime that anyone tries to buy explosives or a hit man, the alleged seller is always an FBI agent. Always. If you are a dodgy looking guy and you reach out to someone to ask “Hey man. You know anyone that can get me a bunch of C-4?” there is a good chance that the person you asked is going to turn you in to The Authorities. This demonstrates that overall people have good sense, or maybe it just shows that people in Occupy Cleveland didn’t want that bridge that goes to Starbucks in Brecksville to get blown up. It’s hard to say.

This whole event places those Occupy folks in a tight spot. They can now look forward to a long trial with their name being associated with those five dipshits, and most of the population assuming that they are slackers in tents thinking about blowing shit up. I believe them to be harmless outcasts that would otherwise be following Phish or the Grateful Dead, but the tour schedules just aren't working out. Take a look at most of the people involved.  They aren’t thinking about blowing up bridges. I am confident most of them are thinking about having a nice clean bathroom available for a healthy shit, not being rained on, and how to gracefully go home without looking like this whole thing was a tremendous waste of time.

It’s sort of amazing that the Occupy movement is still happening even in its limp state. I think we can agree at this point the “movement” consists of a small collection of naïve zealots and a much larger group of outcasts hungry for attention. When you are unemployable and living in a shitty apartment (or with your Mom and Dad) it must be pretty exciting to have TV cameras and people with microphones asking you what you think. In most cases, I would imagine this would be the first time anyone ever asked these people what they think about anything. It’s fun and makes them feel important. Bravo. As far as I am concerned, it’s better than them taking up all the good tables at coffee shops. The good news about this whole incident is that now The Man can sweep these people out, and they can go home and rail about how they have once again been violated by society. It's a withdrawal with some honor I suppose.  We all win. Well, except those guys that tried to blow up the bridge. They’ll be in orange jumpsuits for the next 40 years. Fight the power, man.