I rashly purchased an outrageously fast car this weekend. Psychologists would say I am trying to fill
an internal void. They are, of course,
correct, but I also like to drive really fucking fast. It’s not my fault. After awhile, those incessant car ads do the
trick and you can’t help but think to yourself, “You know… Maybe I would be
much happier driving that car with all those options… Happiness and fulfillment is but one car
payment away.” The good news for me is
I watch a lot of baseball on TV, so I saw car ads. Had I been watching cooking shows, I would
probably be crowing about my new Viking range with six burners. “You shoulda seen this paella I made last
night!”
The car buying experience is one that is unique in
America. There is no other industry
where you would put up with the nonsense that you do with the auto
industry. The dealership is made up of a
group of men (with a few women) that are unabashedly trying to rip you
off. Then they laugh about it
later. In your face.
I have always thought it was pretty hilarious how car salesmen
strut around the dealerships like they are a more evolved breed. They size you up as you walk in, looking down
at you as they finish up their smoke resplendent in their short sleeve dress
shirts. However, when you get down to
it, how are these guys any different than the punk kids that are walking around
Best Buy in blue polo shirts? It’s all
retail. Washing machine or a Ford
Focus? They are both just machines you
are buying at a store. If you don’t walk
in to that store, car sales guy has very little recourse. He’s gotta get you in there to do “The Dance”.
Why the car sales business has not evolved further than it
has is very confusing. The usual car
buying experience goes like this…
Customer walks into the dealership wanting to buy a new car. The sales guy comes up with a flimsy excuse
to make a copy of the customer’s license and then looks at his trade in. The negotiation opens with the sales guy
asking how much a month the customer wants to pay, and casually offering
several thousand dollars below wholesale value on the customer’s current
car. The customer focuses on the price
of the new car, and at some point the sales guy asks “If I can get my manager
to agree to your price, do we have a deal right now?” The sales guy disappears into a back office,
allegedly meeting with this shadowy unseen manager, and emerges several
harrowing minutes later with a price juuuuussssttttt short of the deal the
customer wanted. The customer, stressed
out of their mind, takes the deal. He
knows he got screwed, he’s just not sure where.
The customer will drive away with a 70 month loan for $419 a month on a car that
will be virtually worthless in 48 months. He will later brag to all his friends “I
got a pretty good deal”. Meanwhile, the
car sales guy is slapping high fives with the other smokers in the parking lot,
having made $3500 on the trade side and $2500 on the new car side.
Would you put up with that bullshit at Best Buy? “Sir, I can tell you are interested in that
TV. Let me ask you… How much a month do you want to pay?” Here’s an idea. Tell me how much that TV really costs, and
then I can figure out if I can afford it.
Why do I have to be an Arab Horse Trader just to figure out if I can
actually afford the product I want? Do I
need to have an attorney present at all purchases above $500? Can’t we just make this thing easy?
As Americans, we like the car dealer culture. It’s the only explanation. We like having salespeople tell us with a
straight face that our car is worth $4000 less than what an industry website
tells us it is worth. We like being lied
to. We like being duped into buying
needless warranty coverage. We like the
idea of a place that sells cars selling us a little life insurance on the
side. We like the idea that if a
dealership spends the money to put up a giant tent, then certainly they must
also be discounting prices even further to lose even more money via a “tent
sale”. We like that a dealer with a giant inflatable Uncle Sam on the roof must be a good place to spend tens of thousands of dollars. We like the fact that the whole
buying experience is a chess game where the home team has a decided edge. We just like it.
So as I drive my new little slice of The American Dream, I want
you to remember one thing.
I got a good deal.
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