Nurse the Hate: The Disturbing Folger's Ad

  I'm a guy that is just trying to mind his own business and keep it on the rails.  I'm just sitting there, thinking about the same things I always seem to think about.  Just a guy trying to get though a Sunday.  The last thing I need is for a major corporation to lend their considerable resources to fucking with my mind.  If you click above, you will watch something very uncomfortable.  You have probably already seen it, felt the goose bumps, and tried to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.  You may have already pushed this film clip into the dark recesses of your mind, hoping it never floats back to the forefront of your thoughts.  But it will...

  I believe that this advertisement is the most disturbing thing on television, and I am aware of the NBC show "The Voice" and the continued airing of "Beard Wars".  I have no idea how this commercial was given the green light from what I assume are rational adults attempting to sell more Folger's coffee.  I have no idea how the obviously incestuous story line is going to increase case sales for Folger's.  Is the "incest segment" of the market really so large that you need to run an ad pinpointed directly at this population?  Can someone explain why a major corporation devoted this much money to align themselves with sister/brother sex?

  Let's break this thing down.  The young man arrives home presumably from the airport after a lengthy tour of duty doing charitable work.  You can tell from his awkwardly stenciled "Volunteer" backpack.  That's the first thing you get when you join the Peace Corps.  A "Volunteer" backpack.  That lets everyone in Africa know that you aren't an arms dealer, but are only doing "volunteer work".  He walks up to the door, but the girl is so excited she sees him though the window.   This teenage girl flings open the door and he flirtatiously questions if he has the right house.  Before leaving for West Africa (where he only took a small backpack but still included a scarf and knit hat amongst his meager belongings) his sister was just a girl.  Now he notices, ohh la la, she is now a woman.  They exchange a long loving hug.

  He enters the kitchen where his sister has thoughtfully brewed Folger's coffee.  His sister tells us his parents, apparently unaware of published flight schedules, waited up all night for him until finally succumbing to sleep.  He breathes in the aroma of the coffee, something he claims not to have where he is in Africa despite the huge production of coffee on the continent.  Upstairs Mom is in bed, breathes in deeply and urgently announces "He's here!".  This is when things get very uncomfortable for the viewer...

  The young man pulls a small gift out of his bag for the girl.  They exchange an awkward glance as the girl fidgets with the present.  She then sticks the ribbon on her brother and blurts, "You're my present this year..."  There is along pause where her look changes from nervous to some kind of coy desire.  He stares back at her, a longing look that he finally has to break by looking down uncomfortably, as if this moment is too much for him to acknowledge.  He was the confident brother, but he has become the submissive after being undone by his sister's raw desire.

  Umm, what the hell is going on here?

  Is it just me, or does it seem like if Mom and Dad had walked in twenty seconds later they would have seen their daughter spread eagle on the kitchen table with their son banging away like a barnyard animal?  Nobody wants to go get a cup of joe in the morning to find Sis with her brother's dick in her mouth.  Well, maybe people that drink Folger's do.  There is more sexual tension in that eight seconds of the commercial than any Scarlet Johannson movie, Fifty Shades of Grey book, or "Anal Nurses IV".  "You are my present this year.  Now, let's take off those jeans Big Man..."

  What in the hell is going on with this family?  Is Mom in on this too?  You see how she breathed in deeply and knew the boy was home?  It's like she smelled his pheromones.  Is she going to watch her son and daughter get it on?  What's with Dad?  How asleep at the wheel is he?  Everybody in his house is fucking everybody and he's just shuffling around in a blue sweatshirt.  The whole thing just creeps me out really badly.

  I am aware that I have a very fucked up mind.  Still, I can't be the only one that sees this commercial is extremely odd.  If you were standing in that room with a friend when the brother and sister did the present exchange, wouldn't you immediately turn to your friend and say, "Whoa.  Did you see that?  You don't think those two are like fucking or anything, do you?  They can't be, right?  She's just excited to see her brother... Right?  Right?".

  The amazing thing is that there must have been dozens of people at the ad agency and Folger's that signed off on this commercial.  Are you telling me that forty people watched that and said, "Nope.  Nothing to see here.  This is all very natural.".  It had to be some Big Cheese at the company that loved the commercial and no one else had the balls to raise their hand and say, "Jim, I agree with you that the spot is really touching, but...  Well, I'm not saying that I think this, but do you think that some people might see the relationship between the brother and sister as maybe...  ah... maybe a bit too close?".  I would bet a healthy stack of cash that there was plenty of talk around the old water cooler about this commercial before it aired.  "Look, I'm not saying anything.  If the Big Guy likes it, I like it.  We'll pull the ad when The Public freaks."  Amazingly this ad still chugs on.

  The holidays are a very stressful time.  There are more suicides now than any other time of the year.  Crowded malls.  Endless gifts to buy.  Decorations.  Holiday parties.  Work functions.  The Year In Review.  The probable exhumation of Dick Clark for New Year's Eve.  The last thing I need is to be shown a short video of a brother and sister getting ready to rut like dogs over a hot steaming mug of Folger's.  I beg of you, the good people of Folger's, make it stop.  Stop playing with my mind and filling it with unhealthy images.  You people are sick.