I was sitting at a drafting table in a large classroom
setting. I was working on
painstakingly detailed technical drawings of ornate keys. Behind me to my right, Bob Dylan walked
into the room dressed in a colorful cowboy jacket and wide brimmed hat that he
has taken to wearing. He came over
my right shoulder, pointed to one of the keys and said with a smile, “That
one. That one there.”. I was really nervous and didn’t know if
I should pretend to know who he was or not. I decided to go for it and stammered out, “Umm… Mr. Dylan, I
just wanted to let you know that ah…”.
He turned and walked away.
What the hell did that mean?
I would have preferred if that dream had been Dylan picking
a football game today. However, I
don’t know if I would bet with Dylan or against Dylan. I have a hard time imagine Dylan being
well versed in football. He seems
like a pretty wacky guy that probably doesn’t even know that Carolina has a
football team. He probably
wouldn’t even give you a straight answer if you asked him about the
Pittsburgh/Dallas game today. Bob,
who do you like today? “Well
Pittsburgh has lots of Indian blood in the soil, but the dust of Texas is so
pure. They’ve both been there a
long time. The game has already
been played anyway.” What? Do you wanna give the points or
not? Jesus Bob. How about it? I will clearly have to go this alone.
I am not a big fan of the city of Tampa. As far as I could tell, the only
businesses in Tampa are used car lots, pawn shops, strip clubs, and medical
malpractice attorneys. The
baseball stadium sucks. Ybor City
is where the clubs used to be, and it harbored some of the worst music
anywhere. I remember playing a
club there where the other band on the bill spent 90 minutes soundchecking, of
which ten minutes alone were spent adjusting their special hippie rugs they
brought with them. Genesis
probably did shorter soundchecks at Madison Square Garden. They were horrible, but not to be
outdone, we went out and alienated their entire fan base with our catalogue of
“hits”. It was especially depressing
when I walked outside and saw a line a mile long to get into a “foam party”
next door. Dancing in a bubble
bath and dry humping strangers was probably more fun than we offered, so I
couldn’t stay too pissed.
Regardless, I still have a bad taste about Tampa.
I am going to set all of this aside and take Tampa +3.5
today against the hapless Saints.
I read something the other day where an NFL scout said the Saints had
the worst defense he had seen in 30 years of NFL experience. That means something. Tampa has quietly been playing OK
football, where the Saints look to be a team trying to end this nightmare
season. I think Tampa wins
outright, but I’ll take the 3.5.
Tampa +3.5.
I don’t know too much about Carolina except Cam Newton is
the QB and they might not have any of their games televised. They might be a team that someone made
up, and they shoot fake highlight footage to see if any of us are really paying
attention. (We’re not.) Those highlights might be made by the
Rankin and Bass people that make those creepy Christmas puppet specials. If you look close enough, can you spot
strings attached to DeAngelo Williams?
Do you know anyone that has personally met Cam Newton? I don’t. I think the whole thing is a scam. They do still put out lines and let you bet on the alleged
games though. I looked up these
fabricated past game records, and it appears that the Panthers are better than
they were earlier in the season when The Public decided they sucked. They are a team that loses but hangs
around in close games. I will take
them +3 against a Chargers team that is probably tired from packing up Norv
Turner’s car with the shit from his office. San Diego is pretty bad and heading down, while Carolina is
pretty bad heading up. I will take
the points. Hopefully Phillip
Rivers can toss a couple of INTs to whatever marionettes the Panthers have in
the secondary. Carolina +3.
Dallas isn’t very good. I know this because I talk about how bad Dallas is every
week with a friend that is a big Cowboys fan. He loves Dallas and he knows they are bad. “So bad” is the phrase he uses. You might think they’re good, but they
aren’t. They really aren’t. Dallas is especially bad against teams
that pressure the crap out of Romo.
The Steelers will pressure the crap out of Romo. I realize that Pittsburgh is a brittle
shell of the team they were two years ago. I just think that they still have enough when they “need” a
game. Dallas, on the other hand,
folds when they “need” a game.
Especially at home, when the last time they covered was when Roger
Staubach still had a buzzcut from his Naval service. That was 1969.
(The facts I just used are pretty dodgy. Actually, I made them up. Beware.) I
think Dallas is running on empty after that emotional win last week in Cincinnati. (I would also like to point out that I
have no concrete evidence of that fact either. I don’t care.
I’m on a roll today.) Gimme
Pittsburgh -1.
Current Record Vs Spread: 10-9-1
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