I have made my triumphant return from a tropical paradise where there was literally no media except for a two page newspaper that was concerned primarily with fishing reports and the news of the publisher's mother-in-law coming to visit. That being said, I have missed all of the Super Bowl hype. I have no idea where The Public perception is on this game. I have no idea if anyone has been arrested with a New Orleans escort, though if anyone did I assume it was Michael Crabtree of the 49ers. I don't know if Joe Flacco is shitting out a geyser of chocolate milk thanks to a bad oyster at a Super Bowl Media Event. Ed Reed may have retired. I have no idea. All is know is what I knew about ten days ago. That means I know nothing.
I will wager on this game like a true degenerate. I don't even have the illusion of an edge on this thing. Yet, to not bet on this game is akin to not being what I consider A Real Man. Yes, real men wager on the Super Bowl. Some of you may think you are wagering if you bought squares at your workplace. That is a ridiculous assertion. Do you think Hemingway threw money down on 50/50 school raffles, or did he wager on gladiatorial contests to win? Go ahead and throw some money into squares to be part of the gang, but let's be real here. You have to have some action on this thing. If not, stay in the kitchen with the women at the Super Bowl party and let us Real Men lose our ass in peace in front of the 87 inch TV.
Today I am going with the logic that never fails. What is the worst thing that can happen to Cleveland? That is watching the Baltimore Ravens hoist a second Super Bowl trophy with those "Art" Modell patches paying tribute to the shifty bad businessman that ripped out a community's heart because he somehow managed to lose money with an NFL franchise. This is akin to having to move a Starbucks in Times Square because you can't make a go of it. Then after you move it to JFK, you have to sell it because you can't make any money. Art Modell was a bungling con man that always wondered why more people didn't respect him. Fuck Art Modell. I'm glad he didn't get in the Hall of Fame.
Most people here share my feelings about Art, though many would go further into the area of "dig up his skeleton and shoot it out of a cannon into Lake Erie". Regardless, there's not much love here for Art and his Ravens. With the time tested NE Ohio maxim of "whatever can go wrong will go wrong", there is only one way to go today. Baltimore +4.
P.S. Most degenerates in NE Ohio have undoubtedly come up with the same path of logic, which of course means to get complete Worst Case Scenario San Francisco wins by five yet Ray Lewis is named MVP. Bring it on karma. We're ready!
Nailed it yet again. Fuck em all.
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