I had a bad experience getting gas at BP. I felt I had to reach out to BP CEO Robert "Bob" Dudley to see if he could fix this thing for me. I think I am being very reasonable. It went out in today's mail. I imagine the issue should be solved by mid-June...
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May 27, 2013
Bob Dudley
Group Chief Executive
BP
501 Westlake Park Blvd.
Houston TX 77079
Dear Bob,
I don’t often take
the time to write letters to heads on giant corporations. Frankly I wonder if you will receive this
correspondence at all, as I am sure you have a team of lackeys under the whip
to make sure 99.5% of items like this are weeded out before staining your
desk. Still, I felt the need to reach
out. I see that you went to the
University of Illinois, where I have always had a good time and met people of
great character. Granted, I’m fairly
certain that the people I rub elbows with like The Enabler, Chopper, and Sasha
may run out of your social circles. You
never know though. Perhaps you had occasion
to attend a show at Mabel’s where The Cowslingers played with Southern Culture
on the Skids? If so, do you remember
that guy that barfed all over the stairs?
I feel confident that young man won’t mix tequila and whiskey ever
again. With your chemistry background,
maybe you know exactly what kind of reaction that causes and why. All I know is that it is never good. But, I digress…
The reason I am writing
is to bring to your attention these damn TVs attached to your gas pumps here in
the Midwest. Look, I’ll be frank with
you. I’m not that wild about that
company of yours. I feel like you
slithered out of that Gulf Oil Spill for pennies on the dollar. I’m sure you guys in the corner offices
slapped some high fives on how that turned out.
I would have thought some angry Cajun shrimpers would have figured out
where you guys are holed up and gone Swamp Justice on you by now. But as I am sure that high paid PR agency
told you, the public has a short memory.
Tangle the issue up in confusing misinformation that makes the narrative
difficult to bang out in a 90 second news story, and you are home free. Kudos.
While the destruction
of one of our greatest natural resources was regrettable, I just can’t stand
any longer these TVs you have mounted on the gas pumps. Do you really think I need to hear three day
old entertainment “stories” blasted at me at roughly the volume of a fucking
Motorhead concert while I am gassing up on your overpriced petrol? Throw
into the mix that the content loop is so short it cycles through twice by the
time I gas up the car, and it’s a real drag.
What’s that all about Bob? I know
the guys in marketing are probably jacked up about this new revenue stream, but
nobody is going to commit big dollars to those ads. I know it doesn’t want to make me go inside
your convenient stores and buy a $3.00 Diet Coke or a pack of smokes. It makes me want to get the hell out of there
as fast as possible. Why are you doing
this to me? Because you can? It’s cruel Bob, just plain cruel…
I could make some
wild consumer threat about a boycott that will bring the company to its
knees. You and I know I can’t make that
happen. What am I going to do? Not buy gas? I will try to go to Shell or Marathon whenever
possible though. Speedway has that beer
cave which is a real plus too. I’m really
just asking you, man to man, to please get rid of those things. I’m shelling out a kazillion dollars at your
pumps. Why do you have to shove that
crappy TV programming up my ass while I’m handing you all my money? Have you ever gassed up in twenty five
degrees with Maria Menounos screaming at you about what one of those Kardashian
gals is wearing? It’s no picnic Bob, it’s
no picnic. I don’t imagine a guy like
you pulling down a cool $10 mill is filling up and hustling inside the station
to buy a Chunky and a Mt. Dew. How can
you relate? That’s why I’m reaching
out.
Let me know where
you guys are on this thing. Hopefully
you have some flexibility and we can work through this issue.
Greg Miller
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