That woman, pictured above in what might be one of the worst outfits in
history, today uttered what I believe to be the most outrageous thing I have heard
anyone in our government say with a straight face. When asked by Chuck Todd of “Meet The Press”
why Trump press secretary Sean Spicer went out and told four out and out lies
in the post inauguration press conference, Kellyanne Conway made a “pivot”. She
first did what she always does and refused to answer the question. When she was pressed on the fact that Spicer
is telling clearly visible lies to the American people, she said that he was
using “alternative facts”. Holy mother
of shit. I had to rewind it and listen
to it again. ALTERNATIVE FACTS. These assholes believe they can brazenly lie
to The People and are daring us to do something about it.
I can’t remember ever feeling the need to take to the
streets. This is primarily because I
live in Ohio and no one cares if I take to the streets. I also don’t know what I would do when I take
to the streets. Walk around? Chant slogans? I don’t know, but maybe I will figure it out
when I get there. I don’t think smashing
up a Starbucks will help, though I was angry at a particular location outside
of Columbus in bungling an espresso order last week. Lighting a fire in the street seems
counterproductive too. I’m also not
wearing a ski mask. I get
overheated. It’s a hell of a thing. This will not stand. I don’t know what I am going to do, but I am
going to do something. I will be damned
if I am going to sit here and let that piece of shit woman dressed like the
1970s New England Patriots logo lie to me and say it is an “alternative fact”. I’m sick of her fried out hair and bag of
bullshit and this is Day 3. Where’s the
MC5 when you need them?
That being said, Kellyanne is probably on the Patriots
today. Look at that horrible get up of
hers. Foxboro is the only place that is
fashionable, and only on game days. This
is something we can all agree on. I like
the Patriots today too. I was looking
for a trend or factoid to back up my gut on this game. There really isn’t any. Home teams are 42-34 against the spread in
championship games. They win 58% of the
time when favored. Pittsburgh is one
game below .500 against the spread in road playoff games. I like that The Hoodie has had an extra 1.5
days to prepare than Tomlin. I like that
New England is at home. I’m expecting a
good game today, so I’m going New
England money line.
Green Bay has the 31st best defense in the NFL. Atlanta should probably score hundreds of
touchdowns today. Green Bay would
probably score hundreds of touchdowns today too but essentially all of their
receivers are injured. Rodgers is
playing out of his mind, but he will need to score on every possession
today. My thinking is that this will
require at least some playmaker on the field.
The Pack has been kicking my ass down the stretch and I should probably
just take the points. I’m going to go
with the assumption that since all of America thinks Rodgers will
singlehandedly win this game for Green Bay, I will go the opposite. Atlanta
money line.
Let me go on the record and say I think one of these
underdogs will win. I just don’t know
which one. Two guys I talk a lot of
sports with both like New England and Atlanta today. These guys are also usually wrong, about
almost everything. This only gnaws at my
gut even more. I have no chance. When I am getting my head beaten in with a
baton by whatever Good Squad attacks me for opposing our Emperor, I know my
last thoughts before losing consciousness will be “Why didn’t you just tease
the two underdogs?”. If I win this I’m
going somewhere warm and sunny. I’m
going to visit a place where their dictator knows the key to really ruling the
country is to wear military style uniforms like Idi Amin and holding military
parades as often as possible. Does Haiti
have good diving? I need to look into
that and then take to the streets. After
the games of course.
Season Record: 30-15
Paragraph 2 begs to be made into a Short, with the obvious soundtrack. Just sayin'.
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