I was in Dresden Germany on tour with the Daredevils. We had walked over the bridge that crossed
the Elbe River and walked to look at the Zwinger, the palace which holds
precious art and history. It’s huge and very
impressive. I remembered from the
previous year having looked at the vast art gallery with Rembrandt and Raphael
well represented. I was thinking about
heading back in again and exploring the upstairs galleries. Leo was walking next to me looking at the
vast complex and said “Wow! That’s
really cool.” There was something in his
tone that suggested a wave of initial wonder.
I asked him if he wanted to look at a different gallery then last
year. “I’ve never been here before.”
Now I knew for a fact he had been there before because he
was standing next to me while we went through the gallery. Hey man, you were here before. You were here with me. You remember when we blah blah blah? “Nope.
I’ve never been here.” He was
absolutely adamant. It’s hard to explain
why a man that has erased most of his short term memory function would be so
sure he was correct. We have had these
sorts of disagreements in the van over the years and I have turned out to be
correct 999 out of 1000 times. The time
when he was getting in the face of the guitar player of the Wolverton Brothers
telling him “No! We played with you in
Columbus!” immediately comes to mind. It
turned out that Leo had never met this man and he had confused The Wolverton
Brothers with The Gibson Brothers, and even when that was cleared up he only
grudgingly admitted the possibility of a mistake. Leo should really blindly trust me in these
matters.
“I have NEVER been here before!” I also knew that he had been there twice with
The Cowslingers and on two Daredevils tours.
This was, in fact, his fifth visit to the Zwinger complex. It is probably one of the most iconic sites
in Germany. It’s like not remembering if
you saw the Leaning Tower of Pisa. I
reached into my pocket for my phone.
After a quick search I found pictures of Christoph, Leo and I standing
in almost the exact same spot a year earlier.
Leo looked down with a squint. “Huh… Well, I DON’T REMEMBER being here before!” With that he felt vindicated and we resumed
our walk back across the bridge. If I
had been him I would have been really concerned that four previous days of
noteworthy sightseeing had been blacked out from my memory, but he seemed quite
unconcerned.
When we got across the bridge I decided to see if I could
scare up some food. There were some
touristy restaurants available with obscene prices on subpar food. I am pretty sure they were like the German
version of Chili’s, but instead of baby back ribs they swapped out
herring. No good. Then, like a beacon, I saw one of those
awesome German sausage huts. Germans
like beer, bread, and sausage. They like
to serve their sausages from huts around any large public space. You put a bunch of Germans in a crowd, and it
won’t be long before one says “You know what would be good now? A sausage!”
That sausage hut is a lifesaver. The
food quality is usually really good and, God willing, they will also have
beer. I made a beeline for the sausage hut.
One of the things not covered in the German guide books is
how a particular sausage is to be eaten.
The most common move is to put the sausage on a flimsy paper plate and
place a hard roll next to it. This sort
of flies in the face of what I consider to be the German virtue of logic and
function. Why they don’t slice the roll
and place the sausage inside it was never clarified to me. Instead your fingers get greasy picking up
the sausage and then you have to chomp on the roll. Sometimes it is OK to put the sausage into
the roll, and sometimes it isn’t. I have
no clue as to what constitutes a “roll insertible” sausage situation. If Christoph was around I would ask him, but
I was flying solo on this one.
I decided to just go for it.
I ripped my roll open and put the sausage inside it. I had made a nice little hamburger looking
thing with my roll and sausage. It was
truly American ingenuity in action. Far
off I thought I heard “America the Beautiful” as I brought the sandwich to my
mouth. I will admit that I did not show
the most amount of grace in eating the food.
I had the basic table manners of a Labrador retriever. I just went for it. It was then I noticed a very well dressed man
in a suit staring at me as he walked by my round high top table. He sneered at me and said only one
thing. “Barbarous”
Let me stress this.
It wasn’t only the devastating word choice. It was his crushingly effective
delivery. He really drew it out in his
deep baritone with Germanic accent. “BARRRBOURUSSSSS”. He looked like a million bucks in a finely
tailored suit. I was in jeans, cowboy
boots, and a punk rock t-shirt. He was
absolutely repulsed by me. I was barely
human in his eyes. I don’t know to this
date if it was my faux pas with the sausage inside the roll, or if it was my
savage eating style. Maybe it was
both. I won’t ever know. I do know this. He made it very clear where I stood.
I was watching the Inauguration today. A small group of ski masked protesters got
really crazy and smashed up a Starbucks.
Revolution. Thank God Banana
Republic was safe. A small fire was lit
on the street by 6 people. 217
journalists recorded it on video. Cops
maced a bunch of worked up college kids in the face. It felt like a bad version of 1968 without
anyone having a real moral high ground to stand on. Everyone is divided. Fear and bad news. In the back of my head I heard that voice pop
up out of nowhere. “Barbarous.” Then again even slower. “BARRRBOURUSSSSSSS”
Brilliant. LOL
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