It was a complete surprise.
I knew that she might have been involved with other men, but this still
was a shock. She was so cavalier in
telling me the news, which made it even worse.
I played it cool, like it meant nothing, but I was destroyed. I found her behavior selfish and immature,
even factoring in her young age. She
gave no thought to anyone but herself, not even mentioning to me the
possibility that our relationship was on shaky ground. I was totally unprepared. It’s unbelievable she would just do what she
did to me. How could my hair stylist
just get engaged and prepare to move away from the city without even a thought
to my needs? That fucking bitch.
I know what you are thinking. Where do you go from here after that selfish
woman did what she did? How can you ever
trust in that relationship again? Let’s
face it. I’m not a young man any
more. I’m not going to just go rushing
into a series of one off haircuts with whatever trashy young thing with a pair
of scissors comes around. Sure, it might
be OK once or twice. Fun even. But I am at a point in my life where I want
more than just a new pair of hands washing flowery conditioner off my head every
4-5 weeks. I know what I want. I expect more. I don’t want to have to go through the
awkward introductory phase of surface questions. “Oh, what part of town do you live?” Don’t you understand? I had a stylist that already knew where I lived. We had something. Something you could never understand.
Now I am going to bounce around that salon like a cheap prom
date. Maybe I get my haircut from
Sheila. Let’s say it doesn’t work
out. Maybe she smells like
cigarettes. Maybe she can’t stop talking
about her ex-husband. Maybe she can’t
cut hair very well and I wind up looking like a member of the Small Faces in
1969. Then I go to Jessica. There I am sitting in the chair with Jessica
when Sheila walks by. That’s very
uncomfortable. “Oh… Hi Sheila… I just… I
called last minute and… I guess Jessica
could fit me in and… Ah…” Then Sheila
will hit me with a smug smile that says “sure” while offering lip service along
the lines of “It’s no big deal” when we both know it’s a big deal. Suddenly I’m involved in this “whole thing”
between Sheila and Jessica when all I want is to be back with my old stylist Jenny (despite Jenny tossing me away like a Styrofoam cup, which makes me feel even worse). I am lost in a sea of hopelessness.
I will admit to having some dark conversations this
afternoon. Desperate times make men do
desperate things. At one point, there
was a discussion of setting up Jenny’s fiancé in a compromising situation with
a prostitute where I would have him drugged and the prostitute killed. When he woke up my henchmen would convince
the fiancé that he had killed the hooker in a drug fueled rage. I would then dispose of the prostitute’s body
as a favor to the fiancé while in exchange forcing him to break off the
engagement. It seemed to be a reasonable
solution. Ultimately it was decided that
a blackmail operation involving killing a relatively innocent sex worker might
be a bit rash right out of the gate.
That’s on hold while other options are explored.
There is just so much uncertainty. I’ve been out of “the game” for a long time
now. I don’t even know how someone goes
about meeting a new stylist these days.
Is there some sort of app I need to download? Do I have to go to some sort of speed chair
situation where I sit in a series of stylist chairs where we feel each other
out for compatibility? Am I expected
just to walk in cold off the street and ask someone I don’t even know, “Want to
give me a haircut”? What if she says
no? In front of all her friends? I just don’t know if I can deal with that…
I think back to the good days with my old stylist. Was that all a lie? It’s hard now to know she was probably already
planning to stick a knife in my back and leave me while she spent 12 minutes
cutting my hair a month ago. It was partially my fault for not making it clear that my expectations were
for her to put my needs ahead of hers always.
This situation partially reminds me of when my previous stylist, also a self-centered
narcissist, left the salon to have a baby. I swear that woman thought the world revolved around her. It's yet another case where this woman failed to look at The Big Picture. Despite that I failed to learn a lesson and just jumped into a new stylist relationship. Look how that worked out...
I’m still in shock. I
don’t know where I go from here. I’m just
trying to pick up the pieces and see what comes next. It’s my only option. Well, that or start wearing a knit reggae
cap and grow dreads.
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