Nurse the Hate: NFL Week 16

A family holiday gathering is typified by a few things.  It’s very important to have a few food items that absolutely no one wants.  Green bean casserole immediately comes to mind.  I have seen a few jiggly plates of ambrosia over the years.  The raw vegetable tray with carrots, celery, radishes, and peppers eaten leaving behind the hard lonely cauliflower and broccoli.  I think these foods must be there at gatherings to present contrast with the food people will devour like mac n’ cheese, shrimp, or any form of potato.  No one has ever said, “Looks like we bought too much shrimp for the party.”.  Ever.

Another important element is to have a relative that will dredge up an old family grievance after having 17 beers.  While it is preferable to have this come via an outburst at a seated dinner, it’s perfectly acceptable to have a one-on-one confrontation viewed by others who will then recap it to the unlucky guests who missed it via conspiratorial whispers in the corners of the room.  Great lines that are always effective include “Get your goddamn hands off my wife!” and “Mom always liked you best!” followed by hysterical crying.  As long as it is sure to divide the room, it’s a winner.

However, for my money, the best part of any family get together is having action on a sporting event which will be on the TV in the “man cave” or side room where the degenerates of the gathering will headquarter.  You might have a strong dislike of your cousin Brad.  Maybe you don’t have anything in common with him at all.  You see him twice a year with his anorexic tattoo artist girlfriend who brings her bastard son with the perpetually runny nose.  All he talks about is his motorcycle and how “they” keep screwing him at work.  But if you both have a vested interest in the Buffalo Bills, you will be able to cobble together an alliance that is sure to last for the duration of the family gathering.

With that thought, I’m taking the Buffalo Bills +11.5.   Look, I don’t think the Bills are going to win this game either.  I just think they can hang around in what is sure to be an ugly game after Gronk’s cheap shot on that little Bills defensive back a few weeks ago.  I fully expect this game to be terrible.  New England has used up their quota of December Football God gifts with that “win” they got in Pittsburgh last week.  I am hoping the mojo swings the other way to a Buffalo team that has been playing well since that San Diego debacle.   Every favorite won last week.  The pendulum usually swings back.

I am taking Jacksonville -4.5 over San Francisco.  Everyone is very excited by San Francisco winning a few after securing Garrapolo from the Patriots.  They look like a legitimate NFL football team, especially after beating the woefully average Titans last week at the buzzer.  Let’s not get ahead of ourselves though.  Jacksonville has the #1 defense in the NFL.  The 49ers are still the 49ers.  Jacksonville is playing for the AFC South and a potential first round playoff bye.  I think they take care of business here.  Jacksonville -4.5    

Season Record:  21-16-1