I am not going to be able to watch many of the games this
week. Normally I would be stuck watching
the Browns lose to someone, but as some sort of Christmas Miracle I will be
spared that fate. As Christmas Miracles go, it's a big one. If I look around I
might be able to see a wise man walking past with some frankincense or
myrrh. If I have said it once, I have
said it a hundred times. The problem
with society today is not enough myrrh.
I’m not even sure if I could identify myrrh if I saw it. Where can someone even buy myrrh? If I assume that a savior of some type has
been born, what am I supposed to do?
Show up at the hospital without a big box of myrrh? I suppose Amazon might deliver it. They probably have a decent myrrh section on
the website.
Sorry, I got off track.
The point I was trying to make is that I am not as engaged with the
slate of games this week as normal. I
suppose I could bet against the Browns, but it’s not as much fun without
laughing out loud at the team’s misfortune.
DeShone Kizer is actually a very fun player to watch if you have a big
stack of money riding on his failure. I
love that guy. However, this week the
Browns take on the Packers. The Packers
without Aaron Rodgers are a VERY different team than with him. With him all things are possible. Without him they have no offense whatsoever. Combine that with the Browns lack of offense,
and the makings of one of the NFL’s worst games of 2017 is clearly
present. I just can’t muster up the
energy to feel connected to something I see unravel on my phone updates. Yet I would be a damn fool not to bet on the
Browns to lose.
The Browns can be counted on to lose weekly. They are 1-26 in their last 27. Allow me to let you in on a little inside
information. This is what gamblers call
“a trend”. I do have some reservations
regarding this week. Every team that plays
the Browns has the tendency to look past the Browns, which is normal because
they are fucking terrible. The Packers
are just not very good without Rodgers.
They could find themselves down 10-0 after the first quarter and not be
able to come back. The Pack won last
week after only throwing for 84 yards, so maybe they have more moxie than I
think. For those of us wishing for The
Perfect Browns Season of 0-16, this is a game that causes some concern. The Browns have a legitimate chance at
winning at home in crappy weather. Yet
you don’t go 1-26 without good reason.
Bet the trend. Green Bay money
line.
I might get to see some of the end of the late games. With that in mind, I am going to go in on
Washington +6 over the Chargers. The
Chargers might be the best team in the AFC West. As I have noted before, it’s like being the
best 90s Pop Punk Band. You might be top
of your heap, but your heap is terrible.
The Chargers have that great skill of being close in every game they
play. Hell, they managed to allow the
Browns to hang around. They always play
to the level of their competition, up or down.
Now it’s true that Washington is horrifically injured. If I read correctly, most of their starting
backfield is currently in medically induced comas to prevent the men from
screaming in pain in hospital beds. Yet,
whoever the Redskins have found in the Greater District of Columbia Area to
play football for them this Sunday are likely as good if not better than the
Browns. Washington will hang in
there. I think San Diego wins but
doesn’t cover. I am hoping to see a
cheap backdoor cover in this one with Vernon Davis catching an otherwise
meaningless touchdown with 13 seconds left.
I can already visualize myself screaming out “Yes!” as indifferent
sports bar patrons stare at me. Washington
+6
Season Record: 17-15-1
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