Nurse the Hate: Hate The Bomb Cyclone

When I was a kid, we used to get “snow”.  Today, the entire East Coast is about to get hit with a “Bomb Cyclone”.  After doing some careful research, I have discovered that this means a “snow storm”.  You might question how this has come to pass.  30 years ago, when a storm like this approached, families would have the following conversations.  “Are you going to Kevin’s hockey game tonight?”  Yeah.  “You should give yourself an extra 20 minutes.  There’s supposed to be snow.”  Problem solved.

There used to be a newspaper, three TV stations and a handful of radio stations in most population centers.  Now there are five local TV stations, seven cable news outlets, two all weather channels, 468 other channels, unlimited cable and terrestrial radio, and 52,000 websites.  Each one of these businesses has to try and capture enough attention to build an audience.  Which headline is more interesting?  A)  Snow Expected In City  B)  Bomb Cyclone Approaches City

It has become a nuclear arms race of screaming headlines.  All media outlets are focused on praying upon the fears of the people.  The world is a dangerous place.  If a child goes to Disney, he will likely get eaten by an alligator.  Frozen bagels have poison.  Sharks in the water.  Technology companies are using your smart phone to spy on you.   Trump is starting a nuclear war with someone.  Sex offenders are around every corner.  Here come the Russians.  Rape and death and murder.  Meanwhile the guys in the weather department want to get in on the action.  The only thing people care about is themselves and the weather.  That’s it.  Despite all the chatter about current events, people just want to know if they need a jacket tomorrow.  Still, the weather team didn’t get respect internally at their stations.

Enter the Bomb Cyclone era of weather reporting.  The key is to set off a small panic any time that more than 2 inches of snow approaches.  When it turns out to be a minor inconvenience, take to the airwaves to discuss how “lucky” we all were to miss The Lord’s Wraith.  That way it becomes a story arc.  1>  Danger approaches 2>  Better Prepare For The Worst 3> Sweet Jesus, here it comes 4> Thank God we are safe.  Why the public falls for this white knuckle nonsense every time, I haven’t a clue.  It must provide people a sense of danger and purpose, the shared experience of somehow surviving the Bomb Cyclone (or snow storm).

Another key to ratchet up the Fear is if the weather is going to affect New York in any way.  There are no natural disasters more important than ones that touch New York.  Most of Northern California was on fucking fire with entire neighborhoods burning down and it merited 10 minutes of mention.  New York is getting hit with a seasonal Nor’easter and it’s the end of the world.  The same people that are covering the Bomb Cyclone’s approach quaking with fear are the ones that chuckled it up when Erie got dumped on with six feet of snow.  Lesson learned is that unless it hits New York it doesn’t matter.

I remember a drive I made with my family over the Poconos in what was referred to later as The Blizzard of 78.  There were four of us in a Ford Mustang in “all weather” (read as “bald”) tires with rear wheel drive.  We made that eight hour drive into the teeth of that storm, got out of the car, and shoveled the driveway so we could pull the car in.  Then we went to bed.  There was no piss stained pants and fear mongering.  We listened to the radio on the drive.  The DJs mentioned how bad it was outside, but the idea of telling people to stay off the roads was ludicrous.  If you had somewhere to go, tough it out.  Get there.

I recognize that I sound like a guy that walked seven miles to school carrying a block of ice and only had dust to eat when he got there.  “Well, back in my day…”   I hate to be that guy.  Look, 1978 sucked.  Cars were ugly and so were the clothes.  Everyone smoked cigarettes everywhere.  You couldn't go anywhere without hearing Gary Rafferty or "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald".  The problem is with being the old cranky guy is it’s all true!  I should have listened to the old cranky guys before me.  This Bomb Cyclone shit is all jive.  To the people of New York and the East Coast, I implore you.  Go to work tomorrow.  Resume your lives.  Do what it takes.  It’s just a seasonal snow storm.