We have all had bad days at work. In my years of employ I have made some mistakes costing the company thousands of dollars. Some of those mistakes were errors in judgement. Others maybe lack of attention to detail. I usually repaired the damage quickly and offered up an explanation to my overlords along the lines of “See, what the hell happened was...”. This rights the ship and allows us all to resume our routines. Sometimes you have to fall on the sword.
My favorite part of making an error is when the anonymous company wide email goes out to clarify the policy without calling the offending party out by name. “To all employees. It is company policy to not allow any use of company vehicles including but not limited to station satellite trucks for employee personal time. It is also not allowed to take company vehicles to Tijuana and transport livestock of any kind. These trucks are important company assets and should not be used as personal transport in any capacity, most definitely not personal time joyrides.” As soon as that email arrives all employees start to swivel their heads looking for a guilty expression on co-workers faces to figure out who got drunk and left the van in Boys Town. Is that a sombrero in Vince's cubicle?
I cannot imagine the email that came out this morning for the person that sent out the imminent nuclear attack warning across all communication platforms in Hawaii. "BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL" went out to everyone's phones. Now THAT was a major fuck up at work.
The State Agency in charge of this put out a statement today saying the worker "feels terrible" about the mistake. I would imagine there was a spirited conversation about the mistake in the supervisor's office. "So when you got the prompt the second time that said "are you sure you want to send out a nuclear attack alert to everyone on the islands?", you just clicked it and hoped it would be OK? You stupid motherfucker... You goddamn stupid asshole..." I like to think the person that did it was named Jeremy, as that is an absolutely perfect name for some sheepish looking guy that is now looking over his shoulder in a cubicle in the basement as employees all whisper whenever they see him. Hopefully there was a nice matronly woman named Nancy that offered some lip service along the lines of "Well, we all make mistakes Jeremy. Don't feel bad about it." that even she doesn't believe. I would also suggest that Jeremy focus on a new career path as this little mishap is sure to pop in his personnel file. "Well Jeremy, I see you applied for the assistant manager job! You've been here a long time and... Wait... What is this incident in 2018? Hmmm... Ohhh.... Well... ah... jesus. That was you? Well... We will let you know after we have evaluated all candidates. Thank you for your interest Jeremy."
There is no coming back from that mistake. There is nowhere to hide as EVERYONE in your world knows you made the biggest fuck up of all time. Every single person on those islands must have been freaking the fuck out. I think had I been at the Four Seasons and that alert came up I would have calmly ordered a nice bottle of Dom Perignon and sipped that on the beach waiting for The Big Show. My guess is that the Four Seasons likely doesn't have a nuclear fallout shelter, though if they did I am sure it would be lovely. But what about those of us that are a bit more high strung? I would think there were some actions taken and things said that afternoon that can't be taken back.
"Now it's the end, there are a few things I want to get off my chest. I just want to let you know that I spent half the retirement savings on my boat, I do think those jeans make you look fat, and I am in love with our son's teacher. Oh, and I never liked your father." Then the phone pings again. THE LAST MESSAGE WAS SENT IN ERROR. THERE IS NO THREAT OF ATTACK. Things get quiet for a moment. Maybe a nervous laugh. "So... Let's forget about this whole incident. Things were said in the heat of the moment. Crazy things. They don't mean anything. Do you want to go to Outback Steakhouse? Let's go get one of those Blooming Onions. Honey? Baby?"
Sunday must have been a hell of a day on the islands. It is tough work trying to put a genie back in a bottle. Guys like me are at the front desk at hotels trying to get overpriced champagne orders waved off the bill. "Sir... When I made this order for this wildly overpriced Dom Perignon money was no longer of consequence. Surely you will agree that we can at least meet halfway on price as some sot of gesture given the circumstances." Employees of the hotel are trying to resume normal activity despite the fact that a half dozen of them had sex with co-workers in the lobby fountain assuming that this was the end. Guests averting their eyes from other guests in shame after they were observed abandoning their kids while sprinting for the hills in desperate attempts to save themselves. Meanwhile the recreation director is trying to recruit people for water aerobics trying to pretend nothing happened.
The important thing to focus on is this. That Hawaiian Emergency Management employee feels "terrible". Today they will send out the email. "To all employees: To clarify, when making a shift change, do not double click on the "send nuclear attack" email alert. This goes against policy. Also, remove old food containers from the refrigerator in the break room."
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