Nurse the Hate: Hate Huntington Bank Part 2

8.28.2018

Andy Harmening

Huntington Bank

17 South High Street

Columbus OH  43216

Andy,

I was a little disappointed that you did not reach out to me personally, but I am glad you dispatched one of your minions towards fixing the failed international wire transfer of August 13th. I am now at Day 16 and appear no further along than when we started. I had a glimmer of hope when speaking with Sue Roberts last week. Though Sue was clearly not much of “a Greg Miller guy” and couldn’t get off the phone with me quickly enough, I do believe that she was attempting to address the issue.  Alas, I also do not believe she has any more practical knowledge of bank transfer practicalities than I do.  This isn’t good Andy, as I have previously explained that I’m just a “song and dance man”.  I don’t handle international wire transfers and apparently neither does Huntington Bank.

Let me bring you up to speed. It seems that nothing can happen without “The Wire Department”. Each person I have spoken to at your bank has referred to “The Wire Department” as the only people that can be a conduit to this problem.  They are the Wizards behind The Magic Curtain.  When I ask for more detailed information on whatever the latest perplexing excuse that has been offered up by a Huntington employee, I’m told “The Wire Department” would have the additional information I’m requesting.  I am not allowed to speak with The Wire Department though.  I’m told because “they don’t speak to the public” as if this were an impossibility as opposed to your own policy.  I then need to wait for your people to follow up, which they don’t.  Sue Roberts was supposed to call me back by COB today with an update as per our conversation Friday afternoon, and I have received no communication.    

Andy, I am going to try to impress upon you in the strongest terms that I need my money back.  I don’t want any more of your minions to call me.  I need you to throw your weight into this.  I want YOU to pick up the phone and call whoever you need to call to put the fear of Jesus into them.  I would suggest imparting the idea that unless someone wires that money back to my account that you will drive over to The Wire Department, rip off someone’s head, and authoritatively defecate down their neck in front of their sobbing colleagues. Look, you and I both know that would be highly irregular for a Senior Executive Vice President of Consumer and Business Banking to act like some sort of drunken Visigoth tribal chief, especially in a Columbus office park.  They don’t know that though, at least not for sure.  At the very least, it would get their attention. 

Andy, you are the Senior Executive Vice President of Consumer and Business Banking while I'm just a humble minstrel, so please proceed how you feel most prudent.  I don’t want to tell you how to do your job.  I will point out that thus far your tactics have been highly ineffective.  On the other hand, my plan will create the urgency of not letting me continue look like an asshole to my business partners in Germany who still await payment.  The last 16 days have taught me that no one at Huntington can or will follow up to solve a problem as promised.  If you don’t mind me saying, “The Wire Department” appears to be a free-wheeling entity that does what they please.  I have a vision of them right now having frozen margaritas and chimichangas, laughing it up about ignoring the repeated requests to find this lost money.  One of them is probably taking a selfie in a sombrero right now. 

Normally I wouldn’t take the time to write a letter like this and share it with thousands of people.  You’ve left me with no other options.  It is obvious by your actions that you and the people at Huntington Bank don’t care.   If left to your own devices I believe I would NEVER have this resolved.  The Company Value Statement, undoubtedly crafted by a team of consultants and then only referenced in self-praising internal communications, states that Huntington Bank’s Value and Mission is to “Do the Right thing with a “Can-Do Attitude” (enthusiastically work and succeed together), “Service Heart” (inclusive spirit to put yourself in each other’s shoes-then help) and “Forward Thinking” (Always look ahead for ways to be the very best).  Between us, I bet people at Huntington Bank “team building outings” knock out some eye rolls when the perky consultant points to them on the white board.  That company mission statement seems like a reach, right?  I need for Huntington to shoot for a “Maybe attitude” (bare minimum effort), “Fake smiles” (at least pretend you care about jamming me up), “Middle of the road” (“Not as bad as you expected”).  I think this is a tangible goal.

I know you are involved in high powered meetings with more lucrative customers than me.  Your days are not spent thinking about one low end customer.  I get it.  I’d rather be playing squash with a gold-plated racquet against some dude named Brandon at my country club too.  I can’t though because I have to try to GET MY MONEY BACK FROM YOU TO PAY MY BILLS.  I just need a modest effort here.  I just need to see if there is someone… anyone at Huntington Bank… that can put forth the absolute bare minimal effort to find my lost money and return it to me.

For the love of God, won’t someone do the right thing over there?

Regards,

Greg Miller