I saw this photograph of John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten)
yesterday landing at LAX Airport. I would imagine you had a similar
experience I did when seeing it, perhaps even muttering out a “wow”
yourself. The jokes popped into my head immediately. Anarchy in the BK. God Save the Dairy Queen. Granted, Lydon is in a bit of an unfair
situation. Almost every photograph published of him is from 1978 when
he was a lean 21 year old, the embodiment of personal freedom and the rebel
spirit of punk rock. The point of comparison for Lydon as an amazingly
overweight senior citizen in a track suit pulling his roller bag is especially
cruel. Let’s agree that it is an unfair situation. However…
Lydon is in LA to promote a documentary about his time in
Public Image Ltd. John is there on business. John Lydon
is in the “Johnny Rotten/John Lydon business”. He only has
two things he needs to do in that business. 1) He needs to be a
grouchy iconoclast. 2) He needs to bear, at the very least, a passing
resemblance to John Lydon. That’s it. That’s all he has to
do. He needs to tell some stories, say some outrageous things, and
be the man the book is about. He can’t show up like a fat old guy
you feel sorry for because he gets winded walking the terminal to
Cinnabon.
I can already hear the apologists getting warmed
up. “That’s what makes him so punk! He just doesn’t care
about your expectations man!” Stop it. He didn’t become
an enormous guy in a track suit because he was making a
statement. He became an enormous guy in a track suit because it was
easier to eat shitty food and/or drink 11,000 beers than it was to maintain a
semblance of his appearance. To me the biggest tell is that he still
has that orange dyed hair. He lets it all go and essentially gave up,
yet still keeps the orange hair. If he wasn’t still putting a thin
effort into being “rock and roll”, he would have just tossed on a little
cap. The orange hair lets you know that
despite looking like a Benny Hill extra, he’s still “subversive”.
I watched an interview he gave yesterday on a digital
platform I have never heard of with the director of the PiL documentary. John gave it his
best in his flannel shirt and sporty all black skater shoes, but with his fleshy
face and accent he reminded me of an angry London wallpaper hanger that you
stumble into a conversation with in a workingman’s pub. “You a Yank, eh? Wol I’ll tell ya bout these sods in
powah. Buying me a pint are you? Noice!”
I couldn’t believe the transformation from even the Lydon of a few years
ago. The guy in this photo carries
himself like an East End cab driver.
I get it though. It
must be extremely tiring to pretend you’re still 24 when you’re at retirement
age. Can you imagine how many times
Ronnie Wood must have thought, “Godammit, I don’t want to dye my hair black,
toss it up in a rooster cut, and climb into these tiny size zero black
jeans. Can’t I just put on a pair of
Dockers and get some fish and chips? Can’t
I just take a bus trip to a casino with people my own age and play video poker?” It must be exhausting. How many man hours are spent making Paul
McCartney look like he is frozen in 1985?
Cher is a 72 year old woman. She
looks the same as she did 30 years ago. She
must be 85% plastic and wigs now. However,
no one is buying tickets to see a woman that looks like Granny Moses sing those terrible songs in a sports arena. The illusion must be maintained for business. Hell, even Elton John is in better shape and he's a disaster.
Maybe John Lydon is more punk than ever because he is confrontational and does what he wants. It's a thin agrument, but it's an argument. Still, I'll tell you this. I am not paying to see a London wallpaper hanger try to belt out "Rise" in a track suit. I would trust his opinion on Arsenal though.
Maybe John Lydon is more punk than ever because he is confrontational and does what he wants. It's a thin agrument, but it's an argument. Still, I'll tell you this. I am not paying to see a London wallpaper hanger try to belt out "Rise" in a track suit. I would trust his opinion on Arsenal though.
God save the Dairy Queen will make a great headline somewhere.
ReplyDeleteSome Bodies have Problems. Don't you have No Feelings?
ReplyDeleteI see what you did there...
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