Nurse the Hate: NFL Week 8

The only people that will be watching the 49ers at Cardinals game today will be complete degenerate gamblers, people so sick that they should never show their faces in daylight.  The level of depravity it takes to spend a few hours watching this completely irrelevant football game makes wearing assless chaps in a nightclub seem sensible.  I should know, because I will be one of these sick twisted individuals, watching it via my NFL Sunday Ticket satellite package.  Yes, I ponied up the extra money necessary to watch the unwatchable.  When the 1-6 San Francisco 49ers take the gridiron versus the 1-6 Arizona Cardinals, you won’t need the whole seat, you’ll just need the edge.  Well, you will if you have a sack of loot on the 49ers…

I am “taking a position” on the 49ers.  This flies right in the face of a Vegas axiom.  Never bet on a bad team.  However, I think the exception to the rule is when that bad team is playing a worse team.  The Cardinals are awful.  One of their three good players, Patrick Peterson, demanded to be traded last week.  The team, in an unsurprising move, said “Um, you’re one of our only good guys and you are under contract, so get the fuck out there”.  That’s not helpful for what is known as “team chemistry”.  Toss in that rookie QB Josh Rosen, who has looked dodgy in an antiquated offense, is playing with turf toe.  One of the things I am not interested in doing while having turf toe is running away from big angry dudes intent on hurting me.

Now while the 49ers are 1-6, they have been recipients of some horrible luck.  Of the last 14 turnovers in their games, they have lost all of them.  That’s not all on Beathard.  This is a trend that will equalize, and I’m hoping it will do so today.  The 49ers have kept playing hard, and look like a 6-10 team.  The Cardinals look like the worst team in the NFL that’s not Oakland or the Giants.  Don’t judge me.  I’m betting on San Francisco +2.

The Los Angeles Rams are probably the best team in football.  The Packers sort of suck.  Well, except they have Aaron Rodgers, who can make any team he plays for look pretty good.  It’s annoying watching national TV broadcasts where the guys in the booth spend the entire game touching themselves because they are so excited about how well Rodgers is playing.  The thing is, they are right.  That fucking guy is unbelievable.  He doesn’t even look like he’s trying.  As a result, The Public is absolutely pounding the Packers as an underdog, moving the line from Rams -9.5 to Rams -8. 

I will say it until I am blue in the face.  The Public doesn’t know ANYTHING.  They think Tim Allen is a funny comedian.  They think the Ford F-150 is a sensible automobile.  They like the music on the Top 40 and Country charts.  They are goddamn fools.  The Public also is very focused on the Saints beating the Vikings tonight.  The narrative says that the Saints will want to exact revenge for their flukey NFC Playoff loss last year, in some sort of “we’ll show them” redemption moment.  This line has gone from Minnesota -1.5 to now Minnesota +1.5.  Couple quick facts here…  If you blindly bet the Vikings at home in their current regime, you’d cover 72% of the time.  They just win at home.  Also, in their last three games, they have allowed 5 first downs from third down conversions.  Five.  That defense has come together.  As a result, I am going to fade The Public.  I am going to take Minnesota +1.5 as well as a tease of Minnesota +7.5/Los Angeles -2. 

Season Record: 4-2