Nurse the Hate: NFL Week 10

We went to Buffalo to play this week.  Buffalo is the exact same town as Cleveland except the weather is somehow worse.  The people have that same scruffy toughness that is completely lacking in places with pleasant surroundings like San Diego or Tampa.  I think when you wake up and sleet is coming in sideways and you are faced with the dilemma of giving up or just getting on with it, a tough leathery skin exoskeleton spreads as a form of survival.  I cannot go on.  I must go on.  I will go on.

The club we played does whatever they can to scratch out an existence by doing a Happy Hour show, our featured gig, and then a DJ night after live music is done.  We had a nice crowd of people come out to see us play.  They were extremely vocal and supportive.  It was a pleasure to play for them.  We still got outdrawn by the DJ night though, as I believe all live music does nowadays.  It can be very depressing to not be as compelling to the greater masses as “Depeche Mode Vs. New Order” DJ night.  It's not a kick in the teeth, but it's not a real boost for the ego either.  It was a very different crowd.  I had no idea how large of a gender fluid population was living in the NW corner of New York, much less how much those young people struggling with their sexual identity liked to dance awkwardly to New Order and Depeche Mode.

A quick observation I made about Buffalo.  There are people there that just can’t get a break.  Example.  It’s tough to be a young man that wants to be a woman.  It is an even tougher break to put together a great outfit, have your makeup done perfectly and still not be able to conceal your rough beard.  The only thing worse I could think of is if he is a Buffalo Bills season ticket holder.  Or is it she?  Grandpa doesn’t always know the right pronoun in these situations.  As Bill Parcells said, "No offense". Hair, clothes and makeup like a woman, but boots like T. Rex and five o’clock shadow like a Greek mafia hit man.  It was a confusing confluence.  Go Bills.

The Bills take on the Jets today.  The Bills are going to start Matt Barkley over Nathan Peterman, perhaps the worst starting QB in the modern era.  Peterman was starting after the Bills signed 39 year old Derrick Anderson out of retirement, who was promptly given a concussion after overthrowing receivers for a couple weeks.  This was because draft pick project Josh Allen injured his elbow previously after their “bridge QB” AJ McCarron had his collarbone broken.  I would refer to this as a “bad situation” for Bills fans expecting success.  Vegas agrees and has made this the lowest point total in 5 years.  This should be a terrible football game.  I hope all those Depeche Mode dancers got enough sleep to start pounding the gallons of Labatt Blue that will be necessary to make it though this game. 

The Jets are going to start backup Josh McCown, which is probably an upgrade over rookie Sam Darnold in that he won’t turn the ball over 3+ times.  McCown isn’t that good, but he will look like Johnny Fucking Unitas compared to whoever trots out in a Bills uniform.  The Jets will have a game plan of “just let whoever is playing QB for the Bills fuck it up”, or at least that’s what they should do.  I am going to take the Jets on the moneyline and not watch a second of this game.  I don’t want to feel sad for the gender fluid 80s retro dancing Bills fans.

In the last ten years in the NFL, if you bet on underdogs of 10+ points, that bet will win 75% of the time.  It is difficult for the “fanny pack” NFL gambler to pull the trigger on a team that is obviously mismatched like the abhorrent Arizona Cardinals who have to play the high powered KC Chiefs today.  I watched KC last week live at the stadium.  Let me give you the secret of the Chiefs offense.  All five receivers are wide open on every single play.  Every single one of them is running around like a gazelle in the defensive backfield.  That is a tough situation, especially when you suck as bad as the Cardinals.  Fanny pack Vegas guy will dismiss the idea of taking the Cardinals because "they suck", and frankly I don’t feel great about it myself.  My fingers will tremble a bit as I type in the wager, especially when I imagine the guy at the other end of the line laughing out loud upon receiving it.  However, let me offer you my shaky reasoning…

Kansas City has a huge game next week against the Rams in Mexico City.  There is a “look ahead” factor at play in this Cardinals game.  I expect the Chiefs to drop 21-24 points on the Cards by halftime and then take the foot off the gas to avoid injuries for the big game next week.  Arizona is getting 16.5 points.  That is an absolute shit ton in an NFL game.  The Browns, clearly outclassed last week and having one of the worst defenses in the NFL at the moment, would have covered that number.  Arizona at least can play some defense.  But can they score?  That's why they call it gambling buddy!

The Rams are hosting the Seahawks in a divisional game and giving them 9.  The Rams lost their perfect season last week in a shootout with the Saints in a high profile game.  When teams have gone more than 8 games in after being undefeated, and then lose a game, they are .500 in their next game straight up.  Next week the Rams have to travel to Mexico City to play KC in what is probably the NFL game of the year.  Once again, a strong chance to lose sight of this game after the tough Saints loss and KC next week.  The Seahawks head to LA at just the right time.  The Rams have only won one game by more than 10, and they might have the smallest home field advantage in the NFL.  Russell Wilson has been playing very well, and he can singlehandedly keep them in it against an overrated Rams defense.  I like Seattle here. 

I am going to tease these two big underdogs making it Cardinals +22.5/Seahawks +15 and then take the Seahawks +9.

The Dallas Cowboys are terrible.  They had that one outlier game where they destroyed Jacksonville, but other than that, they haven't been able to score.  Jerry Jones is freaking out, the coach is probably going to get fired, Troy Aikman is calling them out, and they have to go to Philadelphia to play a football game while drunk asshole Eagles fans yell shit at them and pelt them with debris.  I would not call this a "recipe for success".  I think the Eagles are going to dominate this game.  I also think 10+ Eagles fans will barf on someone at the stadium, I will fall asleep watching it by halftime, and then I will be surprised that Dallas scored some garbage time points.  Philadelphia money line. 

Season Record: 5-5