Nurse the Hate: Opportunity In Sicily

The Sicilian town of Sambuca is offering houses for sale for $1.    

https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/one-dollar-home-sambuca-sicily-italy/index.html 

Well, a euro really, but I don’t have that symbol on my keyboard.  Granted, these houses are what could be generously termed “a handyman’s delight” or perhaps a “fixer upper”.  They are 40 to 150 square meter dwellings that will need about $17,000 minimum to bring up to speed.  I am guessing they will require more work than I am able to do with my trusty duct tape or two (2) screwdrivers.  Still, Sicily appears to be quite nice.  Maybe there is an opportunity here.

I have been studying the wines of Sicily for the last few weeks.  At this point, I know more about Nero d’Avola grown on volcanic slopes than you would guess by initially sizing me up.  Don’t even get me started on Frappato or Catarratto.  I’ve got a bottle of Nerello Mascalese sitting on the counter I need to get into like a drunken raccoon.  Look, I’m all in on Sicily.  I have a bottle of Grillo chilling in the fridge right now.  It has already gone too damn far.  So, what’s stopping me from spending a euro on my “Sicilian Getaway”?  I can see me walking around in rope sandals yelling at sheep right now.  I already know that “Prendi le tue dannate capre fuori da casa mia!” means “Get your Goddamn goats out of my house!”.  I am essentially ready to go to beautiful Sambuca today.

There is a downside in that ghosts of Saraen soldiers slaughtered by Christians some years back are said to haunt the caves and districts nearby at night.  The last thing I need is a haunted 50 square foot shithole I need to repair with unreliable Sicilian contractors.  Maybe I can burn candles or put up a crucifix or something.  There’s probably a local method I will get clued in on once they see me in my rope sandals yelling at goats.  They’ll see I have gone “local”.  If I overhear a new neighbor say “L'arrabbiato americano con i sandali aprì una buona bottiglia di nero d'avola. Andiamo oltre e digli di sbarazzarsi dei fantasmi e scommetto che lo condividerà.”, I will know they mean “The angry American in the sandals opened a good bottle of nero d'avola.  Let's go over and tell him how to get rid of the ghosts and I bet he will share it.”.  

There’s obviously some concern about moving to a one euro house I don’t know how to repair located in the Sicilian wilderness.  It is also true that I also don’t know the language beyond two sentences and am thus unemployable.  But let’s not focus on the downside.  How long can it take for me to become a leading player in the Sicilian wine export business?  It’s not like they have a history of organized crime there.  It’s wide open with opportunity!  This could be it.  Time to jump in with both feet!  This could be the thing I have been waiting for…