One of the worst things that has happened in Covid Times is the proliferation of online Zoom call webinars. Sure, there are people that will suggest that the worst thing that has happened is a million deaths globally. Yeah, I guess that's bad. Let me be honest, I have been able to conceptualize those into the abstract, like when a woman at a grocery store checkout line says "That's terrrrrrible!" when she is told by another woman in line that a polar bear ripped her child to ribbons in a horrific camping tragedy. While the outer behavior is saying "That's terrrrrrible!" it's evident to even a casual onlooker that the woman is actually thinking "I'm running late to yoga, you want to wrap this story up?'. The covid graphs are like global warming. It's too big to comprehend, and out of my control. I got my vaccination. If the rest of these dopes out there are dying, that's on them. I'm doing my best, OK?
The real fallout for me has been an unrelenting tidal wave of Zooms. I am being forced to watch people I would never give even a moment's attention to in normal life drone on for an hour on topics they clearly have almost no grasp on. There is an entire generation that sounds like everything they say is a question from a California high school girl. "And we are going? To look at this graph?" There are some people that possibly know something that I immediately discount as being stupid because everything that comes out of their mouth has a lilting uptick in tone and cadence at the end of each sentence. "At this point we wanttolookatdistribution?" Everyone is feverishly trying to justify their position in life, hoping against hope that no one notices that they don't provide anything of value. I would suggest that the worst thing most of these people could do is start talking as it exposes them as being frauds, but there is a social contract that now exists that we pretend everyone is an expert in everything. Sci-fi movies used to show video calling as this awesome thing, and now I make a noise like "ugghhhffffggg" when I see a Zoom invite sitting on my email like an open sore.
The one thing that strikes me in this portion of history is not so much that everyone is yelling to be heard at the same time. It's that they don't have anything to say. Look around you. How many people would you trust to make a sensible decision on anything? Fat guys with shaved heads and goatees are driving Ford F-150 pickup trucks with "Don't Tread On Me" stickers that think they are some kind of badass counterculture icons instead of roofers. It's a great time to take advantage of morons. People are willingly misinformed, ignorant of the past, and unwilling to question the future. This is the absolute key to beating the NFL. All the rubes this week are going to go in and assume whatever happened in Week 1 will continue to be the same forever. "The Bears lost last week and I heard Andy Dalton sucks. They will never win again. The Bengals won last week. They must be good. Give me the Bengals! Woo-hoo!"
Are the Bears good? Of course not. But I think it is reasonable to assume that the Bears will win seven games this year give or take a couple. So if the Bears are going to win that many, one of them better be the Bengals at home. Is this a lock? No. It's the Bears for God's sake. But betting against the Bengals is always a good idea as they are a franchise doomed to failure and disappointment. Chicago -2.5
I am going to combo up Pittsburgh and New England this week. Pittsburgh beat Buffalo the way they always seem to win games. They make defensive plays, cause turnovers, get outplayed and somehow win. By taking Pittsburgh, I am not betting on the Steelers so much as betting AGAINST the Raiders. Jon Gruden is the most overrated football coach of all time. He made three terrible decisions down the stretch on Monday night, and somehow still got the victory for the Raiders. He will make a series of bad decisions this week too. Every dope in town thinks the Raiders are good because they beat the injury ravaged Ravens in OT. Now the Raiders on a short week, after no doubt partying their asses off in Vegas Monday/Tuesday, need to fly to East Coast time to play a 1p against a vastly superior Pittsburgh defense that has someone to cover Waller. These are the ugly games Pittsburgh tends to win at home.
The Jets lost to Carolina last week. They allowed Sam Darnold to beat them. That's not good. Now they get the Patriots, after a game they should have won, with the greatest football mind of all time that is unusually good at beating rookie QBs who gets to game plan against this kid in his second start. The Patriots seem like a team that is going to mirror Pittsburgh. They will grind away, be fundamentally strong, and hang around to win late. Once again, if we assume that the Patriots will win 9-10 this year, aren't one of those wins going to be over a Jet team that just lost to Sam Darnold? I do not see the Patriots going to 0-2 after losing to the Jets with a rookie QB. Pittsburgh money line, New England money line, Pittsburgh/New England parlay.
Season record: 0-2
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