I was at a local brewery today. I haven't been there in a couple of years what with the Covid Pause where I spent most of 2020 watching Netflix and trying to get someone/anyone to come over to my house to do landscaping jobs I definitely could have done on my own. It's an odd thing the way it works trying to hire someone to do a job that you don't want to do yourself. I reached a point where it was obvious I was going to overpay for shoddy work, and just should have done it myself. Yet, to have gone outside with a shovel would have been an admission of defeat, and instead I pressed on trying to track down landscapers that are like ghosts. None of those assholes follow up. At least not in 2021. I was like Dog the Bounty Hunter without the mullet. Times do change though. Let me go on the record and say that I look forward to at some point in the future totally fucking over a 100% innocent landscaper as petty payback for my 2020-2021 dealings with the various fuckwad landscapers I attempted to give my money to for 18+ months. Sorry. It's just something I need to do to balance to cosmic scales. You will just be collateral damage.
I was disappointed to see the brewery had removed the jukebox, one of those internet numbers where customers can place almost any song they can think of on the house sound system for a dollar. The last time I was there I was with an associate of mine that noted how crowded the room was and thought out loud, "Do you think we can clear this room?". The answer we would soon discover was a resounding "yes" as we pummeled the patrons of the brewery with songs like "Ghostbusters", "It's Raining Men", "Spanish Flea", "We Built This City", and "Disco Duck". I like to think the brewery learned a lesson from our show of power, but I can't be sure unless I ask the owner, and if I do I will have to admit turning a 100+ person cash rich Saturday night into a sullen 15 people in about 20 minutes. Regardless, they now have an in-house sound system with a music service playing bland 80s hits from Genesis, The Police, and Men At Work.
It is hard to believe where there was once a time when listening to The Police of Men At Work was considered "subversive" by the Culture Police. I knew a guy that almost got strung up in 1981 for enthusiastically sharing his love of The Ramones. You could find yourself the center of an ugly towel snapping incident by telling a gym class locker room of wrestling team members that you thought The Stray Cats were cool, a band the wrestling tribe had deemed "fags". It is interesting that a group of guys that liked what was evolving into gender twisting hair metal thought the Stray Cats were "fags". These boys also grappled with other young men in singlets and thought Rob Halford of Judas Priest was macho, but that's the way it was in 1982. It was an odd time.
I was sitting in my stool allowing a wash of "I Come From The Land Down Under", "In The Air Tonight" and "Don't Stand So Close To Me" transport me back to Erie PA in the early 1980s, when it struck me that many of my initial ideas of universal truths have turned out to be right on the money. For example, Toto's "Africa" is a piece of shit song that exists only to fill the air of retail establishments like aural wallpaper. Girls that went to all-girls Catholic schools turn out either morally ambivalent nymphomaniacs or sexually repressed judgmental monsters. Perhaps most importantly is to never bet on the New York Jets.
The Jets drafted Zack Wilson second in the draft, certain he was the key piece of the puzzle. He would replace Sam Darnold and the team would arise from the ashes with this latest savior. Here's a quick stat for you. In the last 15 years there have been 259 players that have taken at least 200 snaps at quarterback. Zack Wilson is ranked #259, dead last. That is fucking incredible. Think of some of the names above him. Nathan Peterman (#258 by the way). DeShone Kizer. Jimmy Claussen. JaMarcus Russell. Zach Mettenberger. It boggles the mind. Until I see that Wilson can play at least as well as DeShone Kizer, I will bet against him and the Jets. Tennessee -6
I am going to also tie the Jets into more money making opportunities. Lat week the Browns were at home versus the Bears with rookie (and future bust) Justin Fields at QB. The Browns were favored by 5.5. Now they go on the road to play a clearly uptick in competition in the Minnesota Vikings. The Browns are favored by 2. Taking away the Browns 2.5 home team boost to last week's line, you're telling me that the Vikings are only 1.5 better than the Bears? Shit, the Bears played one of the worst pro football games I have ever seen last week. How about teasing the Vikings to +8 and Tennessee -1 against the Jets? That line is out of whack. Vikings +8/Titans pick em
Pittsburgh looks terrible. Big Ben looks like he is in his mid 60s with the quickness of a beached manatee. The entire Steeler wide receiving corps is hurt, which hardly matters as Roethlesberger is unable to get the ball to the wideouts anyway. Defenses know this and are stacking the box against the Steelers, making it almost impossible for the team to run the ball. Their defense has been left to try and keep them in games, which has been brutally ineffective. Now the red hot Packers roll into Pittsburgh fresh after a prime time thrilling win over the 49ers, a vindicated Aaron Rodgers shaking his groovy long hair for the cameras at every opportunity. Look, there is no reason to think the Steelers can hang in this game. I haven't heard anyone suggest they can even be competitive. Historically this is when Tomlin finds a way, especially at home. Pittsburgh +6.
95% of all tickets are allegedly on Tampa. It's the game everyone is waiting for, Tampa at New England. The narrative is that Tom Brady is going to finally teach Lord Vader a lesson, and The Hoodie will shrink back into darkness after the player vindicates his boss. I mean, once again, I have no idea how the Patriots can even compete. They look very average, like The Colts in different laundry, but with a rookie QB that seems to be a future trivia question.
The one thing I have always made money on is zigging while others zag. The books have barely moved this line because they DO NOT want exposure on this from the sharp money. I will take New England +7 just for the reason I always do on picks like this and Pittsburgh. The Public are a bunch of dumb fucks and there is money to be made exploiting them. New England +7.
Season Record: 5-4
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