Nurse the Hate: The Elway Jersey and Week 6

There was an odd group think that washed over the city of Cleveland this week, the idea that the Browns will not only be competitive but actually beat the undefeated Broncos this Sunday.  Even I found myself at midweek thinking that this would happen.  This is especially odd in that the only times I have watched the Browns play the Broncos it has ended in complete disaster for the Browns.  I was in the Dawg Pound during “The Drive” loss sporting a really ugly coat and ineffective hunting socks.  I remember with vivid clarity the rubber thud-thud-thud of crushed fans bootfalls against the filthy cement of the stadium walkways when the game ended.  It’s not often that 80,000 people can file out of a building so quietly.

The following year when the Browns lost in “The Fumble” game I was wearing a John Elway jersey just to annoy all of my Cleveland area roommates in college.  I bought it at the now defunct department store O’Neils.  These people allowed me to open up a credit card, which was odd as I had no credit history or more importantly any money.  As I was a college student, I was essentially a gypsy with a gigantic record collection.  My mailing address was “flexible” shall we say.  I never received a bill from O’Neils.  It wasn’t really their fault.  It was like trying to send a bill to a ghost.  I wound up indirectly getting that bill three years later.  O’Neils had been closed for two or three years.  They had been swallowed up by another now defunct department store called Kaufman’s.  Kaufman’s was sort of like that character Kenny KGB in the movie “Rounders”.  They had bought up my debt like cheap loan sharks without me having any idea any of this was happening. 

One day in my latest grubby apartment, hired goons called me up and said “Mister son of bitch!  You pay me my money!  We destroy your credit Mister Son of Bitch!”.  I had no idea why I owed Kaufman’s $38 as I had never even walked into a Kaufman’s.  I also had no idea why some Eastern European goon was threatening me on the phone over this $38.  I told him something along the lines of “I don’t know what the fuck you are talking about and I’m not giving you any money”.  I figured out that it must have been that damn Elway jersey when I connected the dots of the corporate takeovers about three months later.  They never sent me a bill though.  Looking back, I should have paid that goon.  A couple years later when I bought a car that $38 was the only glitch on my credit report.  I still have that jersey by the way.

So as you can see, I have a very murky history with the Denver Broncos.  As I now sit in the early morning light with a small rainbow in the distance I have been hit with immutable truths once again.  I will share just a few of them with you.  One is that you should always pay Eastern European goons their money.  Two is that Elway jersey was a really good deal.  Three is that the Broncos are going to win on Sunday just like they always do.  Denver -4.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the Giants are going to win the NFC East.  The fact that they aren’t a very good football team and their best defensive player blew his hand off in a fireworks accident don’t really matter.  It’s just that all of the other teams are so bad.  Washington is the only team in the NFL that make the Browns look like a well run operation.  The Cowboys lost three in a row after going Full Weeden.  The Eagles look doomed.  A few months ago Chip Kelly was trying to show everyone how smart he was by trading away all his good players for injured outlier type players.  Kelly seems like one of those guys that doesn’t want to win as much as he wants to show you how much smarter he is than everyone else as he wins.  You know who likes that?  Nobody.  I take small joy in each Eagles failure.  While this does demonstrate a lack of character on my part, I need to be honest here.  It could be one of the factors in why I’m taking Giants +4 on Sunday night.  Yet, this isn't a purely emotional decision.  You should know that the Eagles have only covered in 12 of their last 37 at home.  Also, these NFC East games are always close.  It’s always a field goal by some shitty kicker at the end that wins these games.  The underdog has covered in 14 of the last 16 Eagles/Giants matchups.  Take the points.  Giants +4.

Season Record 4-5