Nurse the Hate: Dreams Die Hard

It was earlier today when I realized all my dreams would not come true.  Up until the moment when I almost had a stroke while pushing a weight sled, it had not really hit me that I would not become a black college athlete.  I had a vague idea that I would finish out this rock band thing and maybe return punts for Florida State, join a fraternity, and enter into a brotherhood united by blood sport.  What a disappointment.  I had sort of held into my back pocket the idea that I had preserved my college eligibility to make a late run at the Heisman Trophy when I had more time to train.  It had never really dawned on me that I couldn’t become a black college athlete.  Dreams die hard.  Life goes on.  It’s not easy but what can you do?

It is all about creating smaller and achievable goals.  For example, one of my neighbors created something called “The Little Lending Library”.  I assume this was something she (it had to be the female head of household and don’t argue with me on this point) saw in one of those Swedish lifestyle magazines.  The concept is that a small mailbox type contraption is placed at the end of the driveway with a little glass door.  Inside is a small collection of books with the idea being that the immediate community will trade reading material.  Making it more charming is the fact it is at the end of their “water feature” (man made waterfall that must have come at a shocking install price and is doomed to flood the immediate area when it malfunctions in the near future).

I was walking The Hounds yesterday and peered inside The Little Lending Library.  Many titles of self-help books and light fiction dominated the choices.  An idea popped into my head immediately.  I read in Time Magazine that “Mein Kampf” is #1 on the German non-fiction charts after becoming available for the first time since those “troubles” in the mid 1940s.  While this is somewhat disconcerting in that the book is bound to give some Good Boys ideas about those Syrian refugees camped out in their parks, Krusty pointed out to me that the sales figures are probably mostly driven by the fact it was outlawed previously.  For example, Krusty believes that a bunch of hipster assholes will open Cuban cigar shops and mojito stands that will become very popular in the short term here in the US.  If you can’t have it, you really want it.  There is something to that for sure.  The key is that I will bet there are a lot of used copies of “Mein Kampf” about to hit German EBay.

Now that brings us back to The Little Lending Library.  I wondered as I stood there in the cold wind with The Hounds “Now that my dream of becoming a black college athlete appears to be over, should I crush the dreams of others to make myself feel better?”  It’s quite a situation.  Is it really fair for me to insert a well-worn copy of “Mein Kampf” in original German into the mix of cheerful self-help and escapist fiction titles?  What would the fallout be for this poor woman that wanted nothing more than to create something positive by the water feature?  I can’t imagine that the neighbors would be pleased to notice “Mein Kampf” nestled in comfortably next to “Eat Pray Love”.  But why should her dreams come true when I don’t get to ride to Seminole football practice on a mini-bike with the entire community calling me by an absurd nickname like “G-Dog”?  

I don’t know how this whole thing will play out.  I guess I will just go to Detroit this weekend, play a rock show, record some tracks for our new record, and wonder where it all went wrong.  Keep chasing your dreams, whatever they are…  Unless of course they are to create a Little Lending Library.