Nurse the Hate: Following My Dreams Part 3

Reggie McKenzie

Oakland Raiders

1220 Harbor Bay Parkway

Alameda, CA 94502

Dear Reggie,

  I have recently decided to pursue my dream of becoming a punt returner, and your organization is of great interest to me.  As you may be aware, I had essentially become the LSU Tigers punt returner for the upcoming season until the NCAA got involved and enforced their rule of being ineligible five years after first entering college.  (see attached)  This was very disappointing to me.  I had assumed I had retained all of my eligibility.  I had last put on pads in 1981 as a reserve split end during an inglorious stint at Fairview High School, but did not play at Kent State as an undergraduate.  Frankly, I spent most of my time there drinking beer and listening to punk rock records.  Football was an afterthought.  I am in the midst of a campaign to overturn this ridiculous rule, but it appears the NCAA is going to be inflexible. 

  The reason I have written to you today is to “put my toe in the water” (if you will) to look at my options of returning punts professionally.  While I will truly miss the college experience and atmosphere amongst my football family at LSU, I am eager to get on the field.  I would appreciate your discretion as I had earlier indicated to Coach Les Miles at LSU that I would not go pro early and would play a full four years as a Tiger, but I have been cautioned that as a man in his fifties, I might appear too old to be considered good draft stock much less invited to the NFL combine.  

  Though I have been nursing a torn meniscus in my right knee, my trainer says I’m “in crazy good shape for a middle aged man”.  He has been rather pessimistic about my ability to succeed professionally though.  It seems fair to let you know that the last time I took contact in pads was when I was 15 years old.  I am not a traditional punt return specialist.  I don’t let that faze me.  While doubters may suggest I have a lack of quickness, I think my speed can be more accurately described as “deceptive”.  I haven’t actually timed myself, but I easily outran my basset hound Montgomery last weekend.  I am 100% focused.  I will continue to train three (3) times a week for at least one (1) hour per session to get ready for the season.  This is a guarantee and a testament to my commitment.  At this point, I just don’t know if I will be pursuing glory at LSU or as a Raider.

  Let me know if you have an opening.  The fact that your team plays in the vicinity to where I am pursuing an advanced wine degree is ideal for me.  My thoughts are I can practice during the day with you guys and then shoot over for my wine classes afterwards.  I’m no stranger to multitasking, which I say at the risk of sounding boastful.  I just want you to know I can handle the task at hand.  Good luck to you and the guys over there with the new coach.  It’s an exciting new chapter.  I look forward to helping you deliver a Super Bowl victory to the Raiders in 2016.

  Cheers,

  Greg Miller

P.S.  Do you know anyone at the Oakland A’s?  My trainer wouldn’t mind playing outfield for them and I thought we could share an apartment.