Nurse the Hate: NFL Week 3

The NFL is starting up those London games again.  I find it very irritating.  There is no responsible way to gamble on a game like that.  First of all, no one in London cares about the NFL except displaced Americans that are paying the insane rent for tiny “flats” with barely functioning Euro showers.  There they are working at their finance jobs just for the chance to get called “mate” all the time by annoyed Brits.  I got called “mate” all the time over there.  I think those folks were playing a little game with me, like if I had called them “buddy” or “pal”.  It has to be passive aggressive.  Well, I took it that way anyway.  I’ve been paranoid about the English after my last round of dust ups with WSET HQ.  I should have stopped by the WSET office to bury the hatchet and have a sherry in that secret back office of theirs.  They might have called the Bobbies on me.  Those mates would have hit me with those batons for sure.  Oh well, I will be back there soon enough.  I will right the ship with the English if it’s the last thing I do.   

So why do they have those London games?  English sports fans care more about cricket than they do NFL.  The event has to be for the Americans there and a faint hope that Brits will suddenly understand this needlessly complicated sport and embrace the Jacksonville Jags.  Maybe some of these Americans are jacked up about watching a live football game (note, not “match”).  However, I assume even the most homesick American doesn’t want to pay whatever obscene ticket price to watch the Jacksonville Jaguars play the Ravens.  Even if he does want to go, the chance of him being able to convince his English buddy Roger from the office to go is almost none.  Then there he is, drunk on a Sunday afternoon all by himself sitting in light rain watching the disinterested Jaguars not move the ball on the Ravens.  At a certain point he will see Blake Bortles throw a terrible interception and blurt out “Did you see that shitty pass?” to some Brits that got comp tickets and are staring at the field unsure about what is going on.  I feel bad for everyone involved.  I’m not touching that game.

I am tempted to bet against the Browns, who are favored on the road in Indianapolis.  The Browns have not been favored on the road since 2010.  That is a long time ago.  In 2010 I was still under the impression that internet was a fad, Switzerland was a myth, and dreams came true.  I am now much more focused on the cold hard painful reality of life.  A valuable life lesson is when you get involved in betting a game with two bad teams.  There are no winners.  Bad teams will always let you down.  Whichever side you bet on will somehow burn you in the most painful way possible.  That’s no way to spend a Sunday.  Despite my brain screaming at me “You can bet against the Browns AND get points!!!” I am going to attempt to ignore that siren song by sheer force of will. 

I am confused as to why Tennessee is favored over Seattle by a field goal.  No one gives a shit about the Titans in Nashville, so the home field advantage is nothing like a game in Seattle.  Who cares about a bland football team when you can go hear Todd Snider play a brunch open mic at an organic coffee house in East Nashville with a bunch of other people that moved in from Brooklyn and Austin?  There’s no time for Titan football when there is mustache wax to be purchased!  Let’s be realistic about the Titans…  They are OK.  They should beat teams like the Jags and Colts.  That means they lose to teams like the Seahawks and Patriots.  It’s how you go 8-8.  I can’t see Seattle starting 1-2.  I’m on Seattle +3.

Here’s one that will require some faith…  I am taking Buffalo +3 over Denver in Buffalo.  Yes, the Bills sort of suck.  Denver is without question the better football team.  However, you need to look at the context of this game.  Denver is flying in from the West Coast for an early 1p kickoff.  This game is a look ahead game for them, with the Raiders looming next week.  Then consider Buffalo is a bitch at home.  The Bills are 9-4 in their last 13 home games.  People in Buffalo like to drink, smoke cigarettes, and support their violent athletes.  You ever been to Buffalo?  There’s not that much to do.  Los Angeles?  Empty stadiums.  Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Detroit?  Full stadiums with drunk dudes that want to watch some violence and scream for more violence.  That is why I am tying the Bills into a teaser (aka “sucker bet”) with Seattle +9/Buffalo +9.

Season Record: 1-3