Friday, February 8, 2013

Nurse the Hate: Hate First Take, Hate Skip Bayless, Hate Stephen A Smith

Why is it I feel the same sort of embarrassment walking into a room and seeing ESPN’s “First Take” on TV as I did when walking in on my parents having sex when I was but a lad?  It’s an uncomfortable thing to see, and the best course of action is to attempt to shield your eyes as you back out of the room muttering apologies.  “Oh Jesus… I’m sorry, so very sorry…” 

Most people have ceased to take Skip Bayless seriously after he transparently decided to become a caricature for Contrarianism.  “Skip… What do you think about what went on this weekend?”  Up is down!  Down is up!  Tony Romo may be the best Dallas Cowboy QB in their history, certainly better than Roger Staubach.  I believe Carmelo Anthony could be the best all around player in NBA history and the Knicks will win the NBA crown!  Tiger Woods may never break par again!  Don’t be surprised to see the Boston red Sox win the next five World Series in a row, but only AFTER they trade Dustin Pedroia for Jason Kipnis!  My sources tell me the sun will not rise tomorrow!

Skip Bayless doesn’t even believe what Skip Bayless says, so why should you?  He says everything from the point of view of a man that has been blessed with the ability to ferret out the truth and has the confidence to tell you the straight up dope.  The obvious issue is that he doesn’t appear to have any real sources and is basically a stream of consciousness in a cheap sport coat.  Skip Bayless thought Japan was going to win World War II.  Skip Bayless was on record saying the USSR was going to win the Cold War by two touchdowns.  Skip Bayless bought armloads of Facebook stock and passed on Apple.  Skip Bayless doesn’t know anything about anything.  He does let her rip with great confidence though, and that is the key to the show.

 Stephen A. Smith is the real scary one.  His tactic has always been to try and drown out Skip’s bellowing with his own screaming.  His presentation has always been that variation of jailhouse philosopher mixed with street corner snitch.  He always intimates he has some sort of secret information pipeline with the NBA, as if he is a confidant to the biggest stars.  He is always sure to name drop not only who he allegedly communicated with, but how he got it done.  “Skip…  I received a Twitter from Kobe Bryant last night that confirmed an earlier Instagram from Dwight Howard that backed up a lengthy diatribe I had been couriered from Latrell Sprewell concerning a conversation I had at a nightclub opening in Manhattan with Dwayne Wade regarding a text he received in a cab from Rondo confirming the fact that the Minnesota Timberwolves are about to sign Chris Paul to a multi year contract that includes a clause making him the next Commissioner of the NBA!” 

Stephen A. Smith is no more of an NBA insider than any of the security guards that work courtside at the Q.  He is that little kid at the jock lunch table in High School that tries to be the clown so he can get some of their magic to rub off on him.  He’s the guy that takes a plate of spaghetti on the head and tries to play it off like he was in on the joke.  And guess what?  It’s totally working for him…  Look at him.  He’s a guy that doesn’t know anything but from all appearances is some sort of expert.  Stephen A Smith has conned everyone into believing he is the "voice of the street".  If this sportscasting thing didn't work out, he would have made a monster televangelist.  I would never buy a used car from Stephen A. Smith, and you know what?  You wouldn’t either.  

I find it odd that ESPN, the supposed sports authority network, has two guys host a talk show that apparently have no real knowledge of sports.  Every year Skip thinks the Cowboys are going all the way.  Stephen A. loves to try and outsmart every one about the NBA.  His pick last year of OK City as a “lock” to win the NBA title was rather telling.  No matter.  Neither guy even remembers what he said two seconds ago much less last year.  It’s all about having two guys argue back and forth from preposterous positions and hope that ANYONE watches in that dead time in the afternoon. 

Unfortunately, today that someone was me.


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