Nurse the Hate: NFL Week 7

I was reading an article on the overwhelming financial success of sports gambling in New Jersey.   It is dumbfounding that this is surprising to people.  These must be the same people that didn’t think legalized weed would work in Colorado.  “I just can’t wrap my head around it.  Who would have guessed there was a market for easily accessible pot and football betting?  I’m just going to play it safe and invest in VCRs, coal mines, and non hurricane grade Florida beach housing.  This gambling and weed fever will blow over like the Charleston dance craze I tell you!”

I recognize some of you reading this clicked on this disappointed and thinking “damn, he wrote another sports one”.  Understand this.  For a huge swath of the population, betting on NFL football provides one of the only diversions that allow us to maintain our sanity.  This quote from the article about the legalization of sports gambling in New Jersey says it best.  “This is definitely the most incredible thing that has ever happened anywhere, for anything.”, said Mark Taran.  I challenge you to find anyone more excited about anything, not just now but in all history.  There was less enthusiasm about the fucking moon landing.  DEFINITELY THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED ANYWHERE.  Absorb that sentence in.  It speaks for itself.  

This is why I am filled with joy as I ready myself to make a large investment in the Tampa Bucs to beat the Browns.  It’s a terrible idea to normally latch onto the Bucs.  They have reliably produced disappointment for the greater Tampa St Pete area for decades.  However, this week things look to be in their favor.  The Browns don’t travel well.  They have not won a road game since 1986, a game against Cincinnati that I attended in stone washed jeans and a mullet.  Please note, I did not know this was a critical fashion mistake at that time.  And before you crucify me, we were ALL doing it.  Don’t be smug.  There’s probably a picture of you looking like Vanilla Ice or maybe one of those Saved By The Bell kids.  We all have baggage.

Let’s get down to brass tacks, shall we?  The Bucs can score.  They can apparently score on anyone.  They just can’t stop anyone.  Here’s the thing.  The Browns don’t appear to be great at stopping real offenses from scoring.  They also just lost their starting middle linebacker, the guy who made all the calls on the field.  That’s not ideal.  Let’s all just agree that unless the Bucs turn it over six times like Pittsburgh, they’ll score 31 points or so.  This means the Browns need to score 28.

In what was an interesting front office move, the Browns decided yesterday to address their lack of two legit receivers by trading away their effective starting running back.  This would be like if you were cooking spaghetti, realize you didn’t have any noodles, so you trade away the sauce in exchange for a bag of chocolate chips.  It’s hard to understand the end game.  Regardless, the situation is now that the Browns are starting an unproven running back in addition to two unproven receivers.  Oh, and the tight end can’t catch either.  

This leads me to believe that the Browns, traveling from 54 degree CLE to 87 degree Tampa, might not have all the horses they need, despite Tampa’s defense being terrible.  I don’t like the 3.5 point line, so I am going to buy it down to Tampa -2.5.  This might be the single greatest thing that has ever happened.