Nurse The Hate Book Club and NFL Locks

Thanks to the miracle of Amazon, I have received the sixth and final volume of “My Struggle” by Norwegian author Karl Ove Knausguard.  A 1200 page book, it is the final installment in what is essentially his autobiography, or maybe more accurately, his public diary.  I can summarize the book as this.  An introverted Scandinavian man has an ordinary life filled with the tiny defeats and occasional triumphs of the everyman.  In unflinching detail he recounts his shortcomings, mental torments and small slices of hope.  For the most part, nothing happens.  While I realize this is not the most resounding testimonial for a book, or in this case a series of books across 10,000+ pages, it is one of the most impactful reading experiences of my life.  I cannot recommend it highly enough.  

I don’t know exactly how he pulls off the trick.  Like Seinfeld, it’s a show about nothing, but it’s done so well and is so universal that it resonates.  His awkward teenage years are the same as mine, but with interesting different Euro cultural differences.  He strives and fails, lost in consistent shame at his misdeeds that non one else has even noticed.  He allows you complete access into his life, and the voyeuristic draw is impossible to fight off.  The book was so successful in his home country of Norway that 25% of the population bought a copy.  Imagine if in every room you walked into that a quarter of the people gathered there knew the intimate details of your most embarrassing sexual experience.  His writing is a bravery (or self-destruction) that is unequaled in our time.  

These books are the Proust of the modern age.  Look, I know there are a shit ton of cat videos and new Netflix shows out there.  I am just a little voice gurgling out an endorsement.  There is an armada of distractions flying at you all day long.  I am just so eager to have someone else share in this cathartic experience I had in these books that I will risk leaning in with a whisper and suggest “Psst…. You should check this out.  Your life will be better if you do.”  Seriously.  

So let’s talk football…. We are are at the point of the season where the bookies are really dialing in.  They know who is good and who isn’t while the public is about two weeks behind.  The lines are getting razor sharp.  The NFL changes quickly.  The game is savage.  Teams that had a pencil thin advantage over another could lose it in an instant with a horrific injury that slides under the radar.  A team that was 13-3 could suddenly find themselves a 9-7 team because an unknown left guard went out.  I am looking at you LA Rams.

I am not sure why the Rams do not have to report Todd Gurley on the injury report.  The best and highest paid running back in the league suddenly disappears from the game plan and gets no touches.  Hey, nothing to see here.  Gurley was so dangerous and his speed required so much respect that he opened up the field for the rest of the offensive backs.  Now the clearly damaged goods Gurley is a mortal RB and the Rams are a “pretty good team”.  They don’t have a quality win this year and are hosting the 49ers, who appear to be the 2019 version of the “surprise buzzsaw team”.  Yet, the Rams are giving the 49ers 3?  Fuck, I will take that all day long.  I get the better team playing on what is essentially a neutral field and I get three?  Yes please.  San Francisco +3

Look, I’m on the Vikings.  Yes, Cousins is overpaid.  Yes, the team is struggling to define their identity.  Yes, the asshole receivers are all complaining and acting up.  Indeed, I do also believe in the Eagles.  But, in Zimmer We Trust.  Mike Zimmer is the coach with the highest percentage of covers in the NFL.  The team is home at 1pm, a spot where the oddly OCD Kurt Cousins wins 67% of the time.  Zimmer is 18-2 ATS versus non-division teams as a home favorite.  This is the type of game Zimmer’s Vikings cover.  I am on Minnesota -3.  

New Orleans is getting 1.5 at Jacksonville.  This freaks me out.  New Orleans is clearly the better team.  What does Vegas know that I don’t in trying to guide me into what seems like such a sure thing bet?  Anytime it seem like it’s too good to be true (see Monday Night’s Packers -4 over Detroit), I pull up short.  It’s like seeing a mountain of candy knowing goddamn well that an evil clown with an axe is going to pop out and chop off your dick.  You really want the candy, but there is that voice in your head that urgently argues “you want your dick more than that candy Bro”.  Fuck it.  I want the candy.  New Orleans +3

There is no reason why the Browns will win on Sunday.  They are 2-4 but with all the hype seem like they are 2-27.  They got their scrotums kicked in the dirt last Monday night so hard I wept (and by “wept”, I mean went to sleep peacefully with a winning betting ticket clutched in my hand like a baby’s rattle).  The Seahawks are 4-1 and seem like they are a buzzsaw like always, however I have not bought in.  They do not have a quality win.  This team is a mirage.  I think they are an 8-8 type team that had to fly across the country to play a team that just got horribly embarrassed on national TV.  I mean, for God’s sake, ESPN used the word “debacle” in their headline of the game.  This is what motivates violent young men not to make assholes of themselves again while wearing football gear.  I will take the Browns and the points at home.  Cleveland +1.5

Season Record:  9-3-1