Nurse the Hate: Polar Bear Plunge or NFL Week 16

 

I saw a group of teenage boys walking to their cars in bathing suits after doing what I assume was a Polar Bear Plunge in Lake Erie.  They were walking back to their car in a remarkably leisurely pace considering it's 22 degrees and windy.  It reminded me of when Browns coach and noted egomaniac Hue Jackson confidently said he would "jump in the Lake" if the team went 0-16 about two days before he led the team to a historic 0-16 record.  Hue, of course, did not walk off the field after losing the final game, chop a hole in the ice and hop in the water, which would have earned him some grudging respect for being a man of his word. Instead he jumped in the Lake in mid-July the following year in some kind of ham handed "charity event".  That was very Hue Jackson of him.

I have had thoughts of participating in a polar bear plunge in the past.  It is a minor thrill seeking stunt and not the kind of thing that non-Russian nationals enjoy.  There does seem to be a perverse pleasure in sitting in a hut with a wood fire, knocking back vodka, chewing on smoked fish, and doing a cannonball into a slushy hole in a lake.  Conceptually I like the idea of climbing out of the water, pulling on an icy rope and striding like Putin back into my dacha.  The bottom line is I would scream like a little girl, probably have a heart attack, and then my lifeless body would sink to the bottom of the Lake.  You'd see me again around March with a headline of "Pale Bloated Hairy Corpse Washes Up At Huntington Beach, Officials Believe It To Be Body Of Wiseass".  There is little fun to be had in the Winter here on Lake Erie.

All there is left is football.  Betting on these games is difficult enough.  Throw in covid, and it is finding your way in a Funhouse with strobe lights.  The Browns should be able to paste the Jets, who suck so deeply that it is still unbelievable that they beat the Rams last week.  However, the Browns have all 4 rostered wide receivers out with covid, half the line and half of their linebackers.  How the hell can you factor in that loss?  "Hmm... Browns should be favored by 10 but Jarvis Landrey is out due to a shark attack and Higgins is lost at sea, so some guy that hangs out with the team is going to start.  OK... OK... that's worth 4 points I guess."  Yeah.  I am going to pass on that.  The entire planet is on the Colts over Pittsburgh today, but do you really want to bet against Pittsburgh in a must win game at home versus Phillip Rivers?  No way.  The Bears will beat the tanking Jags, but by 9?  You want to give points with the Eagles on the road?  Pass.

I have had a couple winners this weekend with the Saints and Raiders +2.5.  This almost guarantees anything today will be a loser.  The only game I am kidding myself on thinking I have a feel for is that Green Bay v Tennessee game.  Green Bay is the most public of Public Teams.  Dudes in backward ballcaps love betting on Green Bay and the Chiefs.  I try to embrace the concept of "if a dude in a backwards ballcap is doing something, do the opposite".  That is why I did not listen to Nu Metal, go to dance clubs, drive a Jeep Wrangler, own a labrador retriever, or wear Oakley sunglasses.  It has been a basic code of conduct that has rewarded me.  But, dammit, I like the Packers today.

It seems like people got sick of Aaron Rodgers.  I know I did.  I think it is the State Farm commercials 6 times per game X 3 games per week X 18 weeks a year.  That is a lot of Aaron Rodgers being smug.  For some reason, The Public is underrating Green Bay.  They just keep winning, but all the chatter is about the Saints, Seahawks, and the Cowboys.  (The talk is ALWAYS about the Cowboys despite the Cowboys being a better dressed version of the Chargers).  Tennessee seems to have this permanent perception of the team that won playoff games last year.  The Titans have a tough defense, run Henry down your throat, and then Tannehill surprises with a key throw.  The problem is that the Titans have an awful defense, and everyone game plans for Henry.  Tennessee is not an elite team, but rather a better than average team.  Green Bay is elite and Lambeau offers a home field advantage even without fans.  Green Bay -3.    

Season Record:  22-20-1