Evan Dando and NFL Week 3

 

I went to see The Lemonheads this week.  It's been 30 years since I have seen that band play.  Thanks to the Google Machine, I discovered I went to see them in 1994 at Kent State University in a room where I believe I had taken a Sociology class.  I went with this girl on a whim.  I had a great time.  She did not as I never saw her in person again.  I don't think I did anything terrible, but I think my enthusiasm for that show might have made her ask herself, "Do I see my values aligned with this fucking guy?".  That answer was apparently "no".  It was odd to see a rock show where I had listened to Sociology exams.  It reminded me of this helpful tip.  If you are ever in a Sociology exam, there's a pretty good chance the answer to whatever question you're asked is going to be "Skinner" or "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs".  You're welcome.  

One of my associates asked me to go to this 2024 Lemonheads show, and as I had corralled him into an outstanding show from The Hives/Bad Nerves, I figured it was fair that I go to that Lemonheads gig.  The Lemonheads are known for two records they made in the early 1990s, when "Alternative Rock" became re-pitched to The Public as "Modern Rock".  I really like the Lemonheads records from that period where they had a jangly melody supported by scruffy punk rock energy.  There's some really good songs on those, but I think some dudes from that time period got put off by the corporate effort to cash in on Evan Dando's good looks.  Dando always projected out this barefoot groovy Man Boy East Coast Boarding School Party Bro thing, but it certainly worked for him, so God Bless 'Em.  

Dando is for all intents and purposes The Lemonheads as he's had 43 band members over the years.  I know that looks like some bullshit thing I made up, but that's what an article I read said so I'm repeating it and I'm too lazy to fact check it.  It seems right to me because the main subject that is associated with Dando in the last 30 years is "drug problem".  One thing history has shown is that guys with drug problems often have great difficulty keeping bands together as instead of writing new songs and engaging with your collaborators in your band you are, of course, doing lots of drugs and spending your time focused on getting more drugs.  However, I had seen some video from last year of a Lemonheads gig and it sounded pretty good.  I went in with cautious optimism.

It was not a good sign when Dando came out to deal with his gear before the set and he looked very disheveled.  I'm not talking "sorta sloppy" like a 26 year old can pull off disheveled.  I'm talking more along the lines of "creepy drifter".  On top of that, he seemed out of it.  This wasn't the look of a music pro getting ready to deliver a solid set.  This was the look of a guy that knew he walked out on the stage to do something but he couldn't quite remember what.  Then the show started.

I don't know if you've seen video of The Heartbreakers when Johnny Thunders was in his full "doomed angel flying too close to the sun" mode, but this was a late middle aged guy with a thickening midsection trying the same look on.  Anyone with a shred of empathy looked on stage and thought "Man, that guy needs help.".  He missed cues, slurred vocals, stared off in space, and abandoned songs midway through.  Now, there are probably some people that will want to wrap their arms around that and say some bullshit rock n roll myth like "that's so punk rock".  No, it wasn't.  It was a guy that was sick who looked like he might not wake up tomorrow.  

If you get down to it, it would have been better for all of us if we had just swung by the club and given him a couple of $20s so he could just go buy drugs.  He could have gotten his drug money and we could have saved ourselves the time watching that car crash.  I've seen a lot of rock guys play under the influence of whatever.  Hell, I've been one of those guys.  But I can't ever remember seeing someone on stage that fucked up and not in control.  He talked between songs every 20 minutes or so, and it was unintelligible.  I'm not saying the words couldn't be understood.  I'm saying that the words didn't fit together.  Example:  "Popeye Olive Oil garbage can.  Hitler.  Cleveland socket wrench standing sunset."  It was unsettling, not in an Andy Kaufman "clever performance art" piece way, but more in a "what the fuck is that guy on?' way.  On the upside, when they took a break mid-set for about 15 minutes, whatever stimulants they'd just taken in the dressing room perked everyone up for a few songs before the wheels came off again.

It was right before the end of the thing when he played a country song.  Goddamn the guy fucking nailed it.  Killer vocal and the band was in the pocket.  Depending on your point of view, it made the night better because the song was so good, OR it made the night that much worse because you could see how much the man had thrown away.  Self destruction sells tickets I guess.  I assume Dando and his merry band of parasitic enablers jumped in the van to the next town and the next score.  Good luck boys.

Speaking of luck, I could really use a turnaround this week.  That Giants handicap last week was right on, but they somehow get the kicker injured on the first play and couldn't kick field goals for the rest of the game and thus lose.  I get the idea that punting and kicking are two different skills, but wouldn't you think a guy that punts the ball professionally would have at least a modest chance of success on a short field goal?  The Giants didn't think so and opted for bad pass on a 4th and goal instead of trying a 21 yard field goal to go up by three late.  That's why the Giants are the Giants and will be forevermore.  Once bitten, twice shy?  Not this guy!  I'm backing the Giants again this week.

Look, the Browns don't look very good.  Watson can't move the team at all because the only passes he can complete are under 10 yards.  You have to hand it to Stefanski and Co.  They have looked at the situation and thought, "Well, our QB sucks, so let's try to make sure he doesn't lose the game for us.".  The Browns are going to try and win games with defense and field position, a very 1973 way of playing the game, but it's all they've got right now.  There is no reason to think that a very average football team trying to win with field position and defense can cover 6.5 points.  I am on the Giants +6.5 with the idea that they are max motivated, probably not as bad as the NY media would have you believe, and I'm not sure how the Browns can create a two score margin of victory.

I am also sticking my hand back on the stove and betting against the Packers again.  The Packers are having a little theater performance about playing Jordan Love with his fucked up knee this week.  Ohhh!  Is he or isn't he going to play?  They just made him one of the highest paid guys in the league, essentially committing him to be the franchise cornerstone for the next half decade.  I can't see any reason to rush a dude with a torn up MCL in a non-confernce game against the Titans.  They had to figure with games v Colts/Titans that the scenario was they needed to go 1-1.  They got the win last week, and have a divisional game v Minnesota next week.  THAT is the game they must be focused on.  I see this as a potential flat spot.  Also, there is no way that Tennessee can be as shit stupid as the Colts were last week and not stack the line against the run.  Green Bay ran the ball 53 times last week and the Colts somehow allowed that to happen.  There's this idea that all these NFL organizations MUST be smart because... well... they're in the NFL.  Malik Willis is not, nor ever will be, a starting NFL QB.  Yet somehow, the Colts were unprepared for the Packers to run the ball and make sure Willis didn't have to make throws.  How is the Colts defensive coordinator still employed?  Tennessee won't make that mistake.  Although there is a good chance Will Levis will singlehandedly lose the game for the Titans and I bash my TV repeatedly against a tree in the backyard. Tennessee -2 

Watching Jacksonville last week a few things struck me.  1). There are very few cities as depressing as Jacksonville.  I've been there before and it seemed to be populated strictly by Cracker junkies, monster truck enthusiasts, and stupid fucking hillbillies.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are some well heeled folks that exploit those other people as a labor force to run their Vape Shops, Low Credit Auto Lots, and spooky strip clubs, but on the whole, Jacksonville is the worst aspects of America the day after getting wasted at a Morgan Wallen concert.  2). Trevor Lawrence just isn't the guy.  He was touted as one of those "can't miss, QB of a generation" but it seems like he's going to settle into being the 14th-16th best QB in the league.  I mean, that's OK.  It's a great living.  The problem is the expectations are he's going to be Led Zeppelin, and it turns out he's The Firm.  3). The whole situation seems dysfunctional.  Doug Pederson is yelling at everyone, and no one wants to get yelled at by some carpetbagger in a teal visor.  The Jags can run the ball, but just don't call running plays.  The defense can't make a stop when they need it.  They're sorta shitty, know they're sorta shitty, and they'll have a bumpy season of being disappointed.  I have no idea how they go into Buffalo and get a win.  They might keep it close, but Trevor will disappoint the methhead Jags faithful again, all 28 of them.  Buffalo money line. 

Current record:  2-4