Halloween Parade and NFL Week 8

 

I was talking to a woman today exchanging small talk and pleasantries.  I asked how her kids were doing.  She has two young kids, like 7 and 10 I'd guess.  There is NOTHING a mom likes to tell you more than how wonderful her kids are doing.  Sooner or later I will ask this polite question and someone will answer, "Well not too good actually what with Billy's learning disability and Kathy's blossoming experimentation with bath salts", but I've dodged that bullet so far.  We all have our part to play, and she held up her end of the deal and said "They're doing good!".  I asked her what they were going to do for Halloween, and then she told me, "We don't celebrate that because of our church."  Ohhhh.  I stepped in it.

When I was a kid I remember we had a couple kids in my grade who were either Jehova or Christian Scientists of whatever the fuck crackpot shit their parents had forced on them.  In second grade we had this big Halloween parade where all the kids were supposed to bring their costumes.  The plan was that we'd march around the playground area, and then back to our classroom's for an orgy of cupcakes and Kool Aid.  It was, perhaps, the second most anticipated day of the year next to Christmas.  The days leading up to it were filled with speculation, costume boasts, and nervous prep work at home to put on a good showing.  This was essentially Prom for a 7 year old.  It was EVERYTHING.

The classwork that day was similar to when you go to work on the day before Thanksgiving.  Nobody gave a shit about anything.  Let's just color our maps Mrs. Jewel and get the fucking show on the road.  The clock sluggishly refused to move.  Everyone had their costume in a bag under their desk.  Slowly but surely, showtime had almost arrived.  An announcement came over the school PA system.  "Charles and Mary, please report to the Brown Activity area in the basement.  Charles and Mary..."  As they stood up to gather their things, the rest of us shot stunned glances around the room.  What in the actual FUCK was going on?  Charles and Mary were going to miss this?  And on top of it, they seemed totally calm and matter of fact about it.  How were they not freaking out?  This was like missing the Super Bowl and a Beatles concert and Friday Pizza Night all at once.

There was this kid, Big Tooth, who spoke up.  I swear to God, everyone called him Big Tooth, even the teacher.  "Mrs. Jewel?  Where are they going?  How come they aren't going to to party with the rest of us?"  Well Big Tooth, Charles and Mary's parents choose not to celebrate Halloween so they are going to the Brown Activity Room next to the furnace to do other things.  None of us could wrap our minds around it.  However, as soon as that initial rush passed we put out costumes on and got jacked up.  Fuck Charles and Mary.

I still remember being in the parade with my lame ass store bought costume, you know those ones with the smock that tied in the back with a plastic mask?  I have no clue what I was but I knew I sucked.  Other kids with craftsy Moms were walking around in full suits of armor like knights of the round table and I was something like Paul Lynde.  As we marched around I remember seeing Charles looking through a window sadly at all of us.  I thought it sucked at the time and I think it sucks now that that kid's family couldn't chill the fuck out and let him have fun and contextualize that your kids aren't dabbling in paganism and the occult playing dress up.  If you write out a list of pros and cons of organized religion, it's tough to come up with a winning tally on the "Pro Religion" side.  It's 50 years later and I still see Charles's hangdog face in my mind.  

When I discovered the woman I was speaking with was Pentecostal and wouldn't let her kids do the Halloween thing, I resisted the urge to tell her the Charles and Mary story.  I certainly didn't think about bringing up this week's NFL card, which has some games of interest.  "Hey, so with you not making your kids Halloween costumes this week, did that give you extra time to break down any of these games?".  My guess is the answer was "no".  Probably not a lot of good sports gambling advice from her church community.  Thus, it was all on me again this week.

I don't have a lot of amazing analysis on the big Kansas City v Buffalo game except this.  Kansas City appears to be the best team in the league at the moment after getting their skill position guys back from injury.  Buffalo appears to be coasting on reputation alone.  What's their best win?  That game they pulled out over that dodgy looking Baltimore team?  They just lost to Atlanta a couple weeks ago for God's sake.  KC has won 5 of their last 6 and have allowed seven points across the last two weeks.  I think Kansas City is good and Buffalo is just a little better than average.  I'll take Kansas City -1.5.

As I had noted earlier, the band is on a bit of a hiatus with Hector rehabbing a shoulder injury.  He had torn his labrum with the period before the surgery itself being spent trying to manage the pain that impacted his ability to sleep and generally function.  Carson Wentz tore his left labrum the first weekend of October and then played 2.5 games of NFL football at QB.  Oh, he also had dislocated his shoulder and broken the bone socket when he took that injury.  I cannot imagine how tough that must have been to play through and how much it must have impacted his play.  I note that for the simple reason that the Vikings thought running Wentz out there for a month with that injury was a better option than to play JJ McCarthy after his ankle injury on Sept 14th.  I have a sneaking suspicion that the Vikings have concluded that McCarthy sorta sucks and they think that Wentz could have been their new Sam Darnold.  Now they have no other choice.  What NFL QB is out for five weeks with an ankle sprain?  Mahomes played on the worst ankle sprain of all time for a month.  McCarthy has to really suck.  With Goff 8-0 v Minnesota lifetime as a Lion, I'm on Detroit -8.5.  I'm also going to tie Detroit into a teaser with the Chargers.   

Tennessee is 0-11 ATS at home.  This stupid NFL gambling is set up so all teams go .500 against the spread and somehow the Titans are 0-11.  The Titans are 1-6 ATS in their last 7.  They've allowed more than 30 points four times this year.  They've scored more than 20 points once.  The Titans are fucking terrible.  The one thing that is consistent with those Harbaugh boys is they like to pour it on shitty teams.  Normally I don't like betting West Coast teams playing on EST games, but I'll make an exception for the Titans.  Maybe the Chargers aren't as sharp as normal, but they get the win here.  Chargers -9.5 and Chargers -3.5/Detroit -2.5 teaser 

Current Record:  13-13