Play Ball!

 

I was going to write something about how an 80-year-old man in orange pancake makeup and a trucker hat announced he decided to take the United States to war with Iran for reasons only he knows, but I’m tired.  It seems like everyone else is too.  There are some engaged people around who look at this turn of events and wonder how much grift those Congress members are cut in on to abdicate their responsibility to their stated purpose and to the people they allegedly represent.  There aren’t that many though.  Ultimately, most people I observe are wondering who the Browns are going to have play QB and what’s going on with Savannah Guthrie’s mom.  (Probably Watson and she’s dead.).  We are all on this ride and nobody is going to do anything about it.  It seems like a tough break for people living in Iran to have million dollar US missiles drop on their heads killing their loved ones, but an old man in Florida needs a distraction to get your attention off the fact that even though God Knows How Many “justice” department employees scrubbed those Epstein documents, there’s too much to get totally clean.  The Old Man had sex with teenage girls and who knows what else, and nobody is going to find out what happened while he’s alive.  If a whole bunch of strangers need to die, that’s a cost he doesn’t mind.  Nobody is going to do anything about any of it, so let’s talk baseball.   

After much consideration, I am on the Pirates.  I am not a voice in the wilderness on this either.  There is a growing drumbeat pointing to the Pirates as a team to have playoff expectations.  I knew I was in trouble when I heard a guy on the Bill Simmons podcast enthusiastically telling listeners that the Pirates had the horses to make a playoff run.  I found a “Pirates 75+ wins -120” on Draft Kings that I really liked as the win total has slowly drifted up to 78.  Let’s be honest.  The Pirates are still the Pirates.  Even their podcast in the “Locked In” network closes with the tagline “We care about the Pirates because someone has to”.  So why am I on them?

First off, they still have a couple years left on Skenes who is either #1 or #1A behind Skubal as the best pitcher in baseball.  The Pirates last year scored remarkably few runs for Skenes and consequently threw away killer start after killer start.  That has to regress back to the mean, and I think that’s good for 4-5 wins.  Secondly, their lineup in 2025 really sucked.  They had two legit hitters on the team and what Krusty and I refer to as “A bunch of guys”.  These are the kind of instantly forgettable players that drift through MLB for a few years and presumably return home to become high school gym teachers/baseball coaches.  

I used to have season tickets with the Indians.  Note, I did not say “Guardians” not because I am a stubborn old white man that for some reason refuses to the societal shift that dictated an entertainment vehicle was absorbing negative PR because their corporate logo was a racist cartoon caricature of a Native American.  I said it because I bought “Indians” tickets and this was 2001.  It was a simpler time when Bill Selby played 120 games a year patrolling the outfield and the team traded away legit players whenever they had to give them market value contracts.  Ah, there is nothing like roasting in the sun on a Sunday afternoon watching a doomed team play the Royals at home in a half empty stadium to hear the PA announcer say “Bill………Selby….”.  The echo of the half empty stadium and smattering of half hearted applause told you everything you needed to know.  When Bill Selby or “Some Guy” came to bat, nothing was likely to happen.  That was the Pirates last year.

So, in Pittsburgh, they must have realized that they were going to squander the best pitcher in baseball, so they went out and signed some players.  Now, let’s temper our enthusiasm.  They signed guys like Ryan O’Hearn who the Padres rented for a few months from the Orioles and said, “Ehhh we’re good”.  Still, Rhino (seems like that should be his nickname) hit 17 HRs and 63 RBIs last year, and in Pittsburgh that means he’s playing everyday and in the meat of the order.  They also signed Ozuna which caught me by surprise.  I was thinking “Shit!  They signed Ozuna?” until I looked him up and found out he was 33 years old (allegedly) and hit about .220 last year.  Still, he’s good for 25 home runs if he stays healthy, and again, it’s better than what they had.  While these guys aren’t going to set the league on fire, they are legitimate MLB players.  For Pittsburgh, that’s something rare.

The other big news is that they have Konor Griffin, the no-doubt-about-it #1 offensive prospect in baseball.  He’s a shortstop which will allow them to move Cruz out to the outfield and Griffin should become their best player fairly rapidly.  There is the legit chance that he comes in and struggles.  He’s only 19 and has less than 200 minor league at bats after all.  Still, every single thing you read about this kid is “Mike Trout” comparisons.  If he can have a fast start, the Pirates are legit.  Dude had two HRs in a minor league game last week, so I’m optimistic.  Look, if we’re being honest, all he has to do is be better than Nick Gonzales and it’s a win.  It’s not exactly a tall order.

The major concerns are the bullpen and starters 3/4/5.  They all look like “some guys”.  For some reason the Pittsburgh sports media is VERY concerned about what they are going to do with #2 starter Mitch Keller who on paper doesn’t look any different than their next two starters in the rotation.  If Keller came to Cleveland, he’d be the #4 and it’s not like the Guardians have Paul Skenes sitting at #1.  The bottom line on that staff seems like it’s Skenes and a buncha guys.  That’s fine.  They spend a whole summer playing the Reds, Cardinals, Marlins, Rockies, Dbacks, Nationals.  It’s not the Dodgers and Cubs every weekend.  If Skenes stays healthy, and there’s no reason to think he won’t, they’ll be OK.  The bullpen?  Who the fuck knows.  My equation is 71 wins last year should be more than 74 wins this year with Skenes alone, but toss in the everyday player additions, and I think they are scuffling for a Wild Card spot around Labor Day.  Pirates 75+ wins.