Nurse the Hate: Hate TMZ

Is there anyone lower than that smirking crew on TMZ? That has to be the lowest common denominator on television today. Jersey Shore seems highbrow by comparison. Never seen it? Here's the show: A bunch of lame ass slackers sit around and "shoot the bull" with their boss, whoever that fuck is with the sport bottle, and make snarky comments about celebrities. They all laugh it up at other's misfortune in a faceless cubicle farm, like they're having a big show prep meeting and talk about the big breaking stories in scandel TV. When I watched it they showed a film clip of Richard Dreyfuss eating a hot dog and insinuating he would be good at fellatio since he handled the food with such ease. Really? That's the best you can do? You have all day to write a show, and that's what you come up with?

The worst part of the show to me is that the post college "reporters" are so eager to please the boss (aka water bottle guy) and just preen like show dogs when they read their stupid little stories. Look at the picture of one of those guys above and tell me you don't want to punch him in the face... It's like that horrible clique from high school somehow got their own TV show and a syndication deal. You know the ones. The girls that huddled up in the cafeteria to whisper backstabbing comments about the kid wearing the wrong shoes, or in my case, in an "awkward stage" that lasted well into my thirties. (I recently emerged from it briefly, and went right back into Awkward Stage Part 2 after about 26 days.)

As far as I can tell, that caveman guy's "reports" include celebrities being spotted walking to the gym, celebrities being spotted walking to their cars, and lots of other big "news". How do you even get a job like that? Try not to even dwell on it though... It will really bum you out if you think about it. That guy is probably a VIP at every cool club, is drinking tons of free top shelf booze, and is bedding down every dimwit model on both coasts. The only solace might be to imagine Richard Dreyfuss lighting that guy on fire. There. That made me smile.

Just Released: Don't get swept up in this New Orleans Saints hype. The Colts have been the best team in football all year, and they will win and cover this Sunday. The Colts have played 16.5 games with their starters and have won 16.5 games. The Saints should have lost last week to a Vikings team that took them to OT despite turning the ball over 6 times. The Vikings rolled up 31 first downs. How do you think Peyton Manning will do? I think he'll do just fine. Give the five and bet aggressively.