Friday, April 27, 2012

Nurse the Hate: The Draft Idea

I drove to Cincinnati and back yesterday and listened to about eight hours of NFL Draft coverage. The best part about that is everyone speaks with such certainty about the players that have just been selected. “Poe doesn’t have the mental makeup to be able to compete in the National Football League. That pick is a complete bust.” This is usually coming from someone that has never seen the guy play, never spoken to him, or never even heard of him a week ago. Yet there is absolutely no accountability. Will you ever remember what someone said about a Chiefs defensive interior lineman? Unless he kills someone at a nightclub or breaks Tom Brady’s spine on a cheap shot, that’s it. He’s forgotten. Still, the talk is fun. The problem is that the NFL Draft is only one weekend. It would be great if we could all play Amateur Talent Evaluator all year, wouldn’t it?

  I think there is a huge opportunity to take the sports talk model into the business community. Why not combine the content of the dry business section with the high flying opinions of the sports talk host. For example, let’s say some guy blows a sales call. The host would lay it out and then take calls just like in sports talk. “You’re listening to Big G on 92.5 Cash Register Bizness. Let’s talk about how Stevens blew the Gliatech sales call yesterday. Guy goes in… totally unprepared… his pricing all out of whack… and then EXPECTS TO MAKE THE SALE? How many times is Xerox going to allow this happen? OK. Let’s go to the phones… Here’s Larry from Mentor…”

CALLER: “Hey Big G! Long time listener, first time caller. Yeah, I couldn’t believe the Stevens thing either. After he messed up the Sears deal, I figured he would right the ship, but it looks like he’s not what they thought he was. They have to deal that guy. Any chance those rumors about Stevens being traded to Jergens are true? I’d love to see Xerox get some fresh hungry talent in there. Love the show. I’ll hang up and listen.”


“Stevens to Jergens? Jergens? Let me get this straight… You think you can take a kid that can’t handle office machines and put him into the lotion game? Lotion sales is a meat grinder! There is NO WAY Stevens can even get on the field at Jergens! Who would Jergens even want to spin to Xerox? Nobody on the sales team… Maybe that Sheila Washington woman from accounting, or maybe… MAYBE…Ella that answers the phone. What does she have? Two, three years left in her? The problem is that Xerox decided two years ago to go with a salary cap, and now you got guys like Stevens, Wilson, and Jones bungling around out there on sales calls. Until Xerox gets serious and decides to spend on A list talent, they are not going to be hitting any quotas. Xerox doesn’t even have a good cup of coffee over there, and you think a closer like Phil Nelson from Jergens is going to even walk in there to take a crap much less an account list? C’mon Larry! C’mon!!! Next caller!!!”

  It’s all upside for the radio station. No rights fees. You could broadcast the sales presentations live. Sell sponsorships. “Sugardale Hot Dogs! Official hot dog of Xerox Sales Presentations!” The commercials on the station practically write themselves. “No one likes to strike out on their big sales call. Make sure you don’t strike out at your cookout this weekend! Make sure and have Sugardale hot dogs on the grill! Sugardale hot dogs.” Yes, eventually you will have your first “superstar salesperson”. That will lead to the first “Salesperson Superagent”. Then you’ll have to pay someone just to have the opportunity to get a sales pitch. “I’d be happy to sell you windows Mrs. Smith, but I will need you to pay your personal seat license fee before I can let you sit down here in the showroom. Also, have you signed the release form for the TV? Our sales office is on ESPN-S.”

The key to this thing will be to get in on the ground floor. You waste your time on the NFL draft if you want to. I’m moving on to the next big thing. By the way, I heard about you at your job. I’m questioning your work ethic.

2 Comments:

At April 28, 2012 at 11:17:00 PM EDT , Blogger Frank said...

That photo is nauseating.

 
At May 3, 2012 at 2:57:00 AM EDT , Blogger AZ said...

Not only thought about the exact same thing, but mentioned it numerous times to friends and family. Thanks Greg Kiper.

 

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