Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Nurse the Hate: Election Aftermath

You can imagine my surprise to see that the sun rose this morning.  After 18 months of being barraged by advertising telling me that I personally am at the precipice of disaster if various politicians were elected, Wednesday is happening anyway.  Zeus did not send down a gigantic lightning bolt of shit.  I expected to see Red Chinese troops marching down my suburban street, or at least transport trucks sending dissenters to re-education camps just out of town.  I expected my job to call me to tell me that the company was going out of business.  “Greg…  That Obama fella fooled us all.  Everything is now state owned.  We are a Communist country now.  Time to work for the common good.  It’s a worker’s paradise now.  Better plant some potatoes.”  Shockingly, none of this has happened.  Facebook doomsayers will now have to get back to posting pictures of their lunch.   

The terrible truth is that regardless of who won yesterday, none of us would have really noticed a difference anyway.  After all the breathless rhetoric, both guys are trying to do what they think is best and make a ton of money along the way for themselves and their boys.  It’s not like we live in some crazy ass Central American country where a government change can mean you get pulled out of your bed and shot in a soccer stadium.  All that is going to happen this time is that the pissed off suburban white guys and pissed off uptight religious right will stay pissed off.  Secretly, don’t you think they prefer that anyway?  It’s so much more fun to be self righteous when you disown any of the actions that occur over the next four years.  Shit is going to go wrong, right?  This way those condescending religious kooks can shake their heads and look down their noses.  They like that.  It fits the lifestyle of shame and intolerance.   

The only big winners were the corporate concerns that backed the right horse.  After this record campaign spending, these guys expect to be paid.  You think the millions were spent because of an ideological belief in one philosophy of government over another?  All those late night promises whispered in Ohio’s ear have already been forgotten.  We’ve been used up, and now we get discarded.  It’s time for senseless government contracts, shady job appointments, and shocking disregard for the overall population.  It’s The System.  The American Way.  The Way Things Are Done.  The Way Things Have Always Been Done. 

Frankly, none of this really bothers me.  It’s just the way it is, and it is probably best to stay away from the stench lest ye become unclean.  My concerns are much larger.  Why does Johnny Marr think a solo album is a good idea?  Was Jack Kerouac a great writer or an alcoholic pest?  Who would eat a “Turkey Avacadoh!” sub from Subway?  Why do I always have the same dream about walking on the California Coast?  Why do the youth of today prefer DJs to live bands?  Why did Hollywood remake Spiderman?  Who willingly purchases a Ford Taurus?  In the afterlife, do I get all my dogs back?  If I stayed awake long enough, could I correct all of the mistake I have made?  Why does Rolling Stone Magazine always lie to me about the merits of Mick Jagger’s solo projects?  Why is retro rockabilly cool, but Civil War re-enactments are totally uncool?  If I get lucky, what can I pull off? 

No one knows all the answers, but the people have spoken.  It’s a new day.  It’s time to get back to The Great Decline.        


At November 7, 2012 at 12:46:00 PM EST , Blogger Walter Zoomie said...

Goddamn there are some stupid motherfuckers in Ohio.

Y'all should stick to college football and insurance companies, because that's all you're good for.

At November 7, 2012 at 1:44:00 PM EST , Blogger Greg Miller said...

See, now the media has you believing that Ohio controlled the entire thing. It went the way it went because of the collective vote. However, if the next four years go well, please give the people of Ohio all the credit for the foresight. If not, the great state of Ohio blames Florida or maybe the entire NE region. Either way this thing went down, it probably didn't make a difference anyway.

At November 7, 2012 at 6:00:00 PM EST , Blogger Unknown said...

To ease your confusion, I can at least answer the Spiderman question. Sony had to put out another film in a hurry or they would lose rights to the character. The original director and writers couldn't put together a decent script in time so they just did a reboot.

At November 8, 2012 at 2:14:00 PM EST , Blogger Walter Zoomie said...

"It went the way it went because of the collective vote."

Well. Kinda...

It went that way because the majority of the electorate in Ohio and the rest of the country no longer values self-reliance, and believes they are entitled to other peoples' shit through forced government confiscation.


Fuck. You probably hate The Pretenders too.

"Either way this thing went down, it probably didn't make a difference anyway."

I dunno about that, man.

Obama's win accelerates this runaway train, I think.

A Romney win would have merely slowed it down a little.

At November 8, 2012 at 4:43:00 PM EST , Blogger Greg Miller said...

The Pretenders first record is great, but wouldn't you agree that things get spotty after that? Pretenders II has its moments I guess.


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