Thursday, April 25, 2013

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Prostitution Sting

A couple days ago a Cleveland Browns player was arrested for soliciting a prostitute. He was a recently signed free agent, and I think we can all agree there is nothing a new employer likes more than seeing their people in the newspaper tied to words like "prostitution" and "anal".  It makes everyone at the team happy they gave this guy millions of dollars I'm sure. "Hey, did you hear Quentin got arrested for soliciting a prostitute?  He's on the phone right now and wants to swing by to get his signing bonus check.  Oh that rascal!"  These things happen.  There were two items that really caught my eye in this story though.

1.  The perp agreed on the phone for a price of $100 for an hour of sex with the woman.  He then negotiated another $20 upcharge for anal. I am assuming this means he would be the one inserting into the anus and not being inserted into with some sort of rubber projectile from the woman in question. With this leap of faith, let us assume that it costs an extra $20 American to put your penis into a stranger's ass and rub it around until "completion". Is this not much less money than you would assume you would need to pay for this type of service? I had no idea.  I had a turkey sandwich and a cup of soup for lunch that cost me $20 by the time I tipped out. You are telling me I could have put my penis in a strange woman's ass and ejaculated for the same price?  Why, it simply astounds what you can get for $20 nowadays!

Now let us flip the roles... I realize working at places like Home Depot or Applebees sucks. Still, wouldn't you rather work stocking light bulbs on aisle six for two hours instead of having a professional football player's penis rammed in your ass? It's a no brainier for me, but clearly others don't see it that way.  Who wants to wear that Home Depot smock for instance?  It's a quandary.  Having a strange man do horrible things to you for an hour for $120 is not a good career path, but I suppose that if you endured it three hours a day for five days a week, you net a nice ninety grand a year with two weeks of vacation.   Hmmm... That's not a bad gig as long as you can handle the crying in the shower as you scrub yourself with a wire brush after your "shift".

2.  The fact that it is illegal for two consenting adults to reach a financial agreement for sex is odd. You can meet a stranger and both decide to do horribly decadent things to one another.  If one of you slips the other a twenty, you are going to jail.  You can pay $75 an hour for someone to rub any part of your body but your sex organs and it's considered "massotherapy".  That hand moves two inches in the wrong direction?  Now you've got cops all over the place and your picture in the paper with the word "degenerate" as the headline.  I read in the arrest report that a dozen cops were involved in this sting operation. Does it really make sense to put that much effort into stopping people who are paying other people to make them feel good physically? As long as no one is underage or chained to a radiator, it seems like a misuse of police resources.  The police put out a classified ad and then arrested people that responded to the ad. That's a rough break for a guy that just moved to town and wants to put his dick in someone's ass. Here you are, new in town, and your picture is in the paper with your predilection for anal sex well known all because you responded to the wrong ad.  Clearly he should have gone to a dance club and blindly asked potential partners if there was a possible free scenario in which he could move it around in their anus as opposed to responding to an advertisement which asked directly "Would you like to pay money to put it in a stranger's body and move it around?".  It's counter intuitive isn't it?  Maybe now that The Ladies know what he's into he will attract the specialty crowd he is seeking.  I hope so.  Responding to an online ad seems so sad. 

Prostitution should be legal and regulated.  All of Western Europe has it, and I don't see their society falling apart.  I saw all kinds of gentlemen ducking out of brothel doorways looking sheepish when I was there last.  Why can't guys in Ohio be looking sheepish too?  If someone wants to pay for a service they aren't receiving, shouldn't the free market provide it?  I'll tell you this, I'll bet if it is legal and regulated these poor women that found themselves in these jobs won't have to charge only $20 to allow a big wiener in their ass.  Who am I kidding?  Anal will be $50 more, but taxes will take $25 of it and then "The House" will take another $10.  The prostitutes will need to unionize.  They'd be a good addition to the Teamsters.  It would make the Teamster meetings more fun I'd bet.

Based on the difficulty in getting marijuana legalized, I can't imagine this social issue being tackled anytime soon.  Still, it makes a lot more sense than having twelve cops not looking for violent criminals and instead luring people to hotel rooms under false pretense.  You may not agree with me but I know someone that does.  Quentin Groves does.



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