Sunday, January 4, 2015

Nurse the Hate: Wild Card Weekend Day 2

The Detroit v Dallas game is all bad.  Two teams with no idea of how to win a playoff game go head to head in a duel to see which can disappoint their bitter fan bases more.  It's a real Clash of the Titans.  Dallas fans have, for the most part, convinced themselves that they are about to embark on a magical ride to the Super Bowl, though in reality one of those criminals on the Lions defensive line is just one Tony Romo snapped vertebrae away from allowing the Cowboys to go Full Weeden and implode for all of America's viewing pleasure.

Let's just get this out there... The Lions completely blow on the road.  They are 1-11 as a road underdog.  The Lions have a long and storied history of going out and losing the games they are supposed to, keeping the NFL status quo in check.  The one thing that can be counted on is the Lions losing in the Playoffs, in the unbelievably remote chance that they got there in the first place.  The last time I remember the Lions even being in the playoffs I was wearing those steel toed hiking boots that every kid in my school clunked around in during the winter.  I think that was 1956.  The year Elvis was King.  I'm not sure.  I have to look it up.  You get the idea though.  It's been a long time.

I just can't get a vision in my head of the Lions winning this game.  Looking at the game results, the Lions haven't beaten a good team since Green Bay in September.  People thought the Bears were good in September.  There was a belief that the Browns might make the Playoffs.  That seems like a gilded age now, does it not?  Meanwhile Dallas has been scoring at will the entire month of December.  There's no way I am taking the Lions on the road. Even if I lose, I will defend this selection to the bitter end. Despite Dallas enjoying no real home field advantage, I'm on Dallas -6.

Marvin Lewis and Andy Dalton are right now, at this moment, planning on how they will take the reins of destiny and destroy their team's chances.  Marvin Lewis is 0-5 straight up and 0-5 against the spread in the Playoffs.  This speaks of what Marvin Lewis brings to the table in a big game.  I don't know anyone I have spoken to, especially from Ohio, that thinks the Bengals will win this game, despite having superior talent on their roster.  Please note, it's not as if the Colts are that great.  They just got crushed by Dallas 42-7 a couple weeks ago.  The Colts get their ass kicked every single time they play a good team.  New England dropped 42 on them.  Pittsburgh scored 51.  The Colts are not a good football team.  Yet, popular wisdom says the Colts win and cover easily.

The Bengals can be a really good team.  They beat Denver a couple weeks ago.  They beat Baltimore twice.  They won most of the games they were supposed to win.  Of course, they also lost to Pittsburgh twice, and New England killed them.  Hell, the Browns went to Cincinnati and waxed them.  Oh, they also lost to Indy in Indy 27-0.  So, which team shows up?  Which team shows up in a high profile game where the Bengals have been 3-14 against the spread?  

Sometimes I feel like punishing myself.  You know those religious nuts that whip themselves while in a frenzy of prayer?  Taking the Bengals today is like submitting one's self to a Gambler's Opus Dei, performing self financial flagellation in full view of the shaking heads of the rest of the herd.  There is really no way to explain with any real logic at what I am about to do.  It's insane.  I only wish someone out there could find me, and bring the key to unlock me from this horrible prison I have placed myself in.  Where are you?  Someone please help me.  Cincinnati +3.5

Playoff Record 1-1


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