Sunday, December 13, 2015

Nurse the Hate: Hate the NFL 2015 Week 14

While most people are out on the streets drinking egg nog latte and getting weaker, I'm already deep inside the numbers getting stronger.  My single minded focus today is to make a mountain of money.  My pockets are going to be absolutely filled with disposable income.  I will be going into steakhouses just to order 42 oz porterhouses, have them grilled to medium rare and then thrown into the street as garbage.  I am going to be in that same steakhouse, order two bottles of Shafer Hillside Select Cabernet at $400 a bottle, and then have one of them poured down the drain while I calmly drink the other.  I just might go out and buy an Escalade, a scuba tank, and a new wet suit just so I can drive that vehicle into Lake Erie and leisurely swim away from the wreck.  That is the kind of confidence I am walking into this week of reckless NFL gambling.

First of all, I am going to be betting heavily against the Baltimore Ravens.  The worm has turned in Seattle, and they look like a dominant football team again.  It's as if that Jimmy Graham injury made them wake up and say, "Why don't we go back to being that team that beats the crap out of people.  That's worked well in the past.  We should try that again.".  Contrast that with the Ravens, who just want 2015 to end.  John Harbaugh might have done the finest coaching job in the NFL this season by taking what is essentially a pre-season 3rd quarter mish-mosh of players into a competitive team.  However, coaching is not going to help when you have either a concussed Matt Schuab or reliably awful Jimmy Clausen to lead you into battle with the Seahawks.  Whichever one of those guys plays, he's going to make a couple backbreaking mistakes that will allow the Seahawks to easily cover the 9.5 point spread.  This is one of those games where by early third quarter they will show very relaxed Seahawk players laughing it up on the sideline and Raven guys you've never heard of are involved in plays where they are "jammed up at the line of scrimmage for a one yard gain".  Seattle -9.5

I have been on record saying the Cleveland Browns might never win again.  If the seas part and a miracle does it happen it would be this week as the Browns get to host a crappy 49ers team.  I am aware that the 49ers really stink.  As they say in Vegas, bet with the trend and not against it.  The Browns have not won in 137 straight games, and it's hard to imagine how they go out and win after being humiliated two weeks in a row.  Every single guy in that locker room knows that the coach, GM, and probably towel boy are all going to get cut loose in a "Night of the Thirsty Knives" manner about 12 seconds after the last game of the season.  If I had a coaching position on that team, I would take all personal effects from my office as they will be ushered out the door in the same manner as patrons in a college dance bar at 2:05.  "Get the fuck out!  I don't care where you go, but you can't stay here!"  This attitude tends to filter down.  If there is an opportunity to take points AND bet against the Browns, I'm doing that all day long.  San Francisco +1.5 


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