Thursday, June 16, 2016

Nurse the Hate: The Uber Driver Story

I took an uber to the airport today.  I have found cab drivers to be very interesting conversationalists.  They really have no other choice.  Being thrust into an unavoidable moving talk show will do that to a man.  Maybe that type of person is drawn to that type of work.  Or does the work make you a good conversationalist?  It's murky.

Today my driver was an English teacher version of Jeff Lebowski.  He drove the uber in the summer to "pay for Burning Man", so that gives you an idea of what's doing.  The Dude and I really connected on a number of topics including baseball.  Both being Giants fans we started talking about the team and past World Series experiences.  This led us into an odd sidebar story he told me about Pat Burrell.

Now I have no idea if this story is true.  However the story is so good I feel like I should tell it.  Pat Burrell was a stereotypical jock.  He was a #1 overall draft pick, tall, and having good looks like Hollywood would cast for the role of "All American athlete".  Pat The Bat, as he was known, was a bit of a disappointment, being a pretty good player but never meeting expectations.  When you are the #1 overall pick, it is assumed you will be a Hall of Fame caliber player.  Burrell was more of a "pretty good player".  By the time he got to the Giants he was a guy that hit a little under .250 and maybe could give you a little power.  He was OK.

Lebowski goes into the story with me.  "Hey man, this is a friend of mine, so this comes first person ok?"  So The Dude's female friend is at a bar in San Francisco.  Being a fan she instantly recognized Pat Burrell.  He is probably the only 6 foot 5 athlete in the room so it's tough to fly under the radar.  Pat Burrell could walk around in Cleveland unrecognized, but in San Francisco he was part of the beloved Giants.  Pat was a big man on campus.  She walks over excited to meet one of her Giants.  She and Pat talk for about 20 minutes and then Pat promptly gives her a hotel key.  "Why don't you come by in about a half hour". It's not her normal way of operating but she thinks "Hey, I'm going to go fuck Pat Burrell."  She's a Giants fan.  What the hell?  Thirty minutes later she shows up at the hotel.

When she knocks on the door, Pat opens up.  He is completely nude holding a baseball bat.  He invites her in and still in a bit of shock at the greeting she walks in almost in automatic response to the invitation.  She went over knowing what she was going to do, but who expects that behind the door?  Pat tells her to sit down as she walks by and he gets back in front of the mirror holding the bat.  He says "give me a few minutes and I will be with you."

Pat Burrell then spends about five to ten long minutes watching himself nude while swinging the bat.  he is nude looking at himself swing the bat in slow motion.  He just stood there and went through his swing over and over again.  The woman sat completely still looking at him, not exactly sure if she should say anything.  Finally he stops, and places the bat leaning against the wall.  Pat Burrell then loudly exclaims, "All right!  You ready to fuck Pat Burrell?"

Like I said, I don't know if this is true. I sure hope it is though.

Go Giants.


At June 28, 2016 at 7:59:00 AM EDT , Blogger AZ said...

As usual, thanks are in order as I missed this one on TWIB notes.


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