Sunday, September 18, 2016

Nurse the Hate: The Corey Feldman Today Show Debacle



Life has many unexpected twists and turns.  Moments of great triumph can be swiftly followed by bitter defeat.  Without risk, there is little chance for reward.  However, when I saw this clip of Corey Feldman performing a song from his ill-advised "ten year labor of love" double album, I had to quantify the idea of "risk=reward" to "calculated rick=reward".  If you haven't see this, please click this link.  I will wait here for you...

http://www.today.com/video/corey-feldman-performs-go-4-it-live-on-today-766749764000

It isn't often watching something can make me completely uncomfortable while at the same time leave me 100% totally entertained.  I am a man that has provided many questionable performances as a lead singer.  I will wholeheartedly admit this.  I understand how a bad performance can happen having confidently failed in public myself.  Yet, I am unable to fathom how the reality of the Corey Feldman performance hit national TV without anyone in the "Corey Feldman Universe" saying "Whoa!  Corey!  This is a really bad idea!  You're going to make an asshole out of yourself..." 

First, the song is terrible.  "Go 4 It"  When the title of the song has a number in it and you aren't Prince, you need to go back to the drawing board.  Let's get that out there right now.  We have all heard bad songs before, but usually it is evident on what the writer is shooting for on it.  I can't even get my head around what is going on here.  It's like a goth/Christian/rap/arena rock/dance idea gone horribly wrong.  I think of this as the deadly combination of someone with almost no musical talent AND the worst record collection on the planet deciding to pay tribute to all of his horrible favorite artists at the same time.  

Obviously, this isn't even the worst part.  The song itself is really small potatoes compared to the visuals.  What is with the black elf ballet outfit?  Did he dance like that on purpose?  Was he high on dexedrine, peyote and cough syrup?  How did this happen?  I like to picture a cigar smoking agent that handles Corey Feldman.  Maybe he was on top of the game in the early 1980s, but the business has passed him by.  Now he has been relegated to C List clients like Corey Feldman and Screech.  Regardless, he maintains a steely conviction that he knows how to guide his clients to massive success.  He roars out directions to Corey in a small extremely dated Hollywood office. "Look kid!  You want to get to the top again?  You need to listen to me!  We need to get some hot broads!  I'm talking Zsa Zsa Gabor meets Tina Louise!  Hot!  Put them in angel costumes!  Then we get you out there in a black outfit!  Something that scares the shit outtta people like that Game of Thrones crap!  You get out there and dance around!  Give them some Corey Feldman magic!  You know what to do kid!  Drive them wild with your fucking moves!  Now let's make hits!!!"

There had to be a rehearsal for this.  The idea that no one said "Holy shit.  Don't let that guy go on national TV"  is amazing.  Better yet, my gut tells me that the booking agent at the Today Show and the NBC brass knew what was going to happen.  "Lloyd?  Listen...  We booked Corey Feldman for the 10a hour on Today.  Wait...  Hear me out on this...  He is dancing around like a fruit with these chicks in angel costumes knocking out some horrible song.  Then some rap guy comes out in a multi color suit yelling some shit into a mic.  It's a total car wreck but it's ratings gold Lloyd.  Gold.  We'll get 10 million page views on the website.  You can thank me later."

It can't be easy to be a child star with an expired shelf life.  Life was one incredible experience after another as a teenager.  Then you are suddenly a young adult and over the hill at the same time.  Each day you become less likely to resume a real Hollywood career.  The options are limited.  It can all get away from you.  No one wants to be a middle aged man in a black elf outfit.  It seems it might be prudent for someone to pull Corey aside and say, "You know we love you Corey...  But this showbiz thing?  Maybe it's not for you anymore..."     

4 Comments:

At September 18, 2016 at 7:23:00 PM EDT , Blogger Vicki Hollingsworth said...

Cruel fun.

 
At September 18, 2016 at 7:36:00 PM EDT , Blogger Greg Miller said...

That was the name of Corey's previous band.

 
At September 20, 2016 at 11:57:00 PM EDT , Blogger kyle maukjkma said...

Somewhere there is a Hooters that is missing 4 waitresses and a busboy.

 
At January 16, 2017 at 2:08:00 AM EST , Blogger Someone Critique said...

These are the best scrubs ever! I've only ever owned couture scrubs, but I was tired of the scrub top shrinking and ripping and then having to buy more. They're too expensive!

 

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