Saturday, November 26, 2016

Nure the Hate: Hate Ohio State/Michigan

Many people in the region are VERY excited about the Ohio State vs Michigan game today. I can understand their excitement about this marquee matchup but we must admit a truth.  There is almost nothing worse than being surrounded by Ohio State superfans, and I would include experiences like attending a live Starship concert or being forced to attend an amusement park in August as being slightly more desirable.  Most Ohio State superfans are missing a key component to having their annoying behavior justified, and that is of course actually attending Ohio State University.  Just because you live in Sheffield Lake and bought an Ohio State cap at a gas station does not allow you to yell out "O-H!" in my general direction.  Even if you did attend OSU, you can pound "Hang On Sloopy" right up your ass.

I lived in Columbus for a couple of years.  The entire town is focused on Ohio State football.  Every single bland guy in khaki pants and an OSU golf pullover is going to get staggeringly drunk today and scream about how much they hate Michigan, in most cases a place they have never actually been.  News flash.  Ann Arbor Michigan is about ten times nicer than the barrio surrounding the ivy covered old buildings at Ohio State.  This does not excuse the people rooting for "Blue" though as they are just as big of a bag of assholes as the OSU faithful, but Columbus Guy should be aware that Ann Arbor is actually quite nice.

I am going against my better judgment today and going to a public place to watch this game.  I know the bar where I am going will be packed to the rafters in dudes yelling at the TV screens and punctuating moments of inaction with chants of "O-H!" with the expectations of me screaming back "I-O!".  I'm sorry.  I can't do that.  I am a contrarian at heart.  An agitator.  I am strongly considering taking Michigan with the points and rooting against the entire room.  This places me in a position where if Michigan wins I will be happy by my financial gain and seeing the crushed dreams of Ohio State Guy.  If Michigan loses, I don't really care.  I will need to find a happy medium where I can balance out financial risk with emotional well being.  I might have to wait until I walk into the place prior to placing my action to get a feel for how obnoxious Ohio State Guy is going to be.  Hell, if Michigan Guy is in there being an asshole, I might take Ohio State on the money line...  There is much to consider if one wants to achieve a moment of Zen today.

I had this dream last night where I was in a small cottage reading a book.  In the background music was playing.  It was opera music that was familiar but I will be damned if I can name it.  It was very calm.  I could smell something weird cooking, like a tuna melt in a toaster oven though, which sort of grossed me out.  Still, I felt very peaceful.  Then the phone rang.  It was an old rotary style phone.  I picked it up and my gambling degenerate friend Dave (a.k.a. the "Stackmaster") urgently asked me "Who do you like in The Game?  Who do you like?".  I became very anxious because I had no idea, just like I do now.  I told him I would call him back.  I didn't know!  I didn't know!  Why is Stacky bothering me in my dreams?

In about an hour I'm walking into that bar.  I am going to scan the room, observe the behavior of The People and confidently call Stackmaster.  Little does he know that my subconscious and the behavior of some morning drunks in Ohio State or Michigan sweatshirts will determine his financial well being this weekend.  Life is a hell of a thing filled with vagaries, isn't it?  


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