Nurse the Hate: March Madness Day 2

As to be expected, I split the games yesterday.  As I am essentially betting on a coin flip as I have no real understanding about the events about to unfold, a 50% clip is about right.  However, I still maintain that The Gambling Gods will embrace me as I continue to walk ahead, quivering like a little lamb in this forest of danger.  Swinging for the fences when there is little or no chance at real success pleases The Gambling Gods.  Thus, I expect to be fully rewarded.  Let us feast upon this bounty.

In the past I have been knee deep in St Patrick’s Day nonsense.  I don’t know why.  It’s always terrible.  In what had become a grim tradition, I would attempt to get service at an overcrowded faux Irish bar.  After waiting around forever hoping to get a Guinness, I would settle for whatever I could get.  This would usually end up as a 16 oz. can of domestic light beer.  Extremely drunk people would spill beer on me.  At a certain point in the afternoon a guy in the bar will want to hit me in the head for no real reason.  This DefCon4 scenario will dissipate as quickly as it came to fruition as the drunk will turn his attention elsewhere.  I will then make an “Irish Goodbye” and slink out the back like a ghost.  Good times. 

This year I am going to be on a plane to the West Coast again.  My hope is that I can get the games on some sort of finicky electronic device to monitor the as yet untold swing in financial fortunes I am anticipating today.  I am rock solid in my selections today, this despite my logic being horribly flawed and based on past prejudices.  It is better to be wildly overconfident and a fool than to be meek.  Well, at least in gambling…  So with that in mind I am taking Oklahoma State +2.5 over Michigan.  Michigan won the Big 10 Tournament against all expectations.  I don’t think a team sort of sucks all year and then miraculously becomes good.  I think they blew their proverbial wad in that conference tournament, got seeded too high in this, and will lose to a quality opponent. 

I am on Michigan State +2 over Miami in a big way.  Michigan State flamed out early in the conference tournament.  That would have made for some uncomfortable practices courtesy of Tom Izzo.   They have really sucked down the stretch, but Izzo can squeeze a win out in the opening round.  Miami lost 3 of their last 4 too, and really got blown out.  When a team from Michigan plays a team from Miami, I always think the Michigan kids don’t want to go home because it is cold and shitty at home.  Meanwhile the Miami guys are wondering if their girlfriends are slinking around in South Beach clubs with some Jersey Guidos.  It’s hard to focus on beating the Spartans if you’re focused on wondering if Amanda took advantage of Vinnie’s bottle service in a horrible dance club.  “Amanda!  Where the fuck you at?  Call me back!”  Michigan State +2.

I don’t think Dayton is going to beat Wichita State.  Wichita State has a roster filled with guys that have absolutely no idea where the actual classrooms of the college are even located.  They have probably not even interacted with any of the actual students of the college unless you count intercourse in the freshman girl’s dorms between the hours of 2a-6a.  Wichita has two exports:  close cropped haircuts and pretty good college basketball.  However, Dayton is a team that always stays close.  In all my years of watching basketball, I cannot ever remember a time when Dayton did not win or lose a game by a score larger than three points.  Now I recognize this is a wild claim that may appear to be completely fabricated, but this is the new age in which we live.  Facts are an inconvenience to the point you are making.  Get with the program.  Here’s how I see it.  Dayton will have some shorts guards that are insanely fast and great outside shots that will keep them in the game.  It’s what always happens.  In fact, it’s like it already happened!  Dayton +6.5     

I don’t have a clue as to where Jacksonville State is located.  It sounds like Florida.  Maybe it is in Mississippi.  I got confused if it was Jackson State or Jacksonville State.  It sounds like a college that when you announced you were going there, your parents would immediately drop their heads in embarrassment.  When someone saw your mother at the grocery store they would ask, “How does your son like college?  Where is he again?”.  She would be forced to respond, “Oh, he’s a Jacksonville State right now, but it’s just for a year until he can transfer to (insert more prestigious school name here).”  I looked up the mascot.  It’s a Gamecock.  Hmm.  That’s not very inspiring either.

So Jacksonville State has to lose to Louisville today.  They are getting 19.5.  That’s what is commonly referred to as a “shit ton” of points, especially since they like to slow the pace of the game.  I am going to fade the public on this and hope that the Gamecocks dribble the ball as long as possible before tossing up their one errant shot per possession.  This game plan hopefully allows them to lose by less than 20 to what is essentially a professional team from Louisville.  Jacksonville State +19.