Friday, October 13, 2017

Nurse the Hate: NFL Week 6



I was quite pleased last weekend that my faith in the Browns futility and J-E-T-S, Jets!  Jets!  Jets!  ability to crush the best laid plans was able to find a middle ground.  It’s not often possible to win money with anything associated with the Jets, so now it is best to run for cover from the stench of that terrible organization.  Any further association is like having your smiling photograph standing next to Harvey Weinstein surface online.  It can only go poorly and cause guilt by association.  One quick note on Weinstein.  That guy really spent a lot of time in a robe in the middle of the afternoon.  If I ever walk into a room and he’s there in a robe, I know that a massage request is coming from him soon.  The only thing worse would be if he was in a Jets robe.  Ye Gods.  A freshly showered Harvey Weinstein in a Jets robe is an image that I can never scrape from my imagination.  Thanks you creep.

With the plan being to run away from the Jets, there is no better time than when the Jets face the Patriots after the Pats have had 10 days of time to prep.  I would take the Pats after a long week against almost anyone.  The fact that I can do that against the Jets is like discovering your dog shits candy.  It’s a gift that keeps on giving.  Though, I will admit I would have some hesitation on eating candy if it came from my dog’s rectum, even if that candy looked absolutely delicious.  Maybe the entire analogy was a little shaky.  I don’t know.  But I do know I am betting against the Jets.  Patriots -9.5     

I think the Rams might be good.  They should have beaten the Seahawks last week even after making five turnovers.  They beat the Cowboys.  Goff looks legit at QB.  The defense pressures the QB.  This is a key as Blake Bortles is very Blake Bortles on his own.  Blake Bortles with a lot of pressure starts to look a lot like Brandon Weedon.  It is always wise to gather a great sum of money and bet against anyone that even vaguely resembles Brandon Weedon.  I am getting very footloose and fancy free with my gambling as I am becoming more convinced every day that we are in End Times.  What I really should do is gather up weapons, canned goods and dig a bunker.  Instead I am diving into potentially destructive behavior and wild risk taking usually associated with terminal disease patients, clinical depressives, and soldiers on leave.  I am reminded by a line one of the soldiers in Stephen Ambrose’s excellent World War II book “Band of Brothers” told another soldier who was fearful.  “What you have failed to understand is that you are already dead.”.  What the hell.  With that in mind Rams +3.5 over Jacksonville.

I have been enjoying the foolhardy propositions of the three team teaser in that in seems inconceivable to lose.  I have personally seen dozens of people lose these bets.  It’s impossible to win them with any frequency.  I remember seeing a guy crying in the Flamingo’s men’s room after a fluke Dolphins field goal bounced off an upright and he blew God knows how much dough on a three team tease.  He was leaning against the wall in full sobs.  My buddy, filled with empathy that only a 24 year old can muster, screamed over to me.  “Check it out!  This dude is crying!  CRYING!”.  It’s a cold world Pal.

Check this out and dare to dispute it.  It’s impossible to argue against it.  Atlanta -2.5 (over Miami)/Patriots +.5 (over Jets)/Denver  -1.5 (at home over Giants).  These are three teams you would take in a survivor pool and not sweat a second of the game.  Why not tie it all in together and wager the mortgage?  Do something to really get your attention.  Now we are really talking SUNDAY FUNDAY!  Atl-2.5/NE +.5/Denver -1.5


Season Record:  5-5

1 Comments:

At October 14, 2017 at 11:24:00 PM EDT , Blogger vfh159 said...

I’ve been thinking seriously about where and how to get some of those I Am Legend window shutters, but damn my house has a lot of windows. Probably futile anyway. The thing is turn-of-the-century and not the most recent turn. One errant missile and she’s going up like fat lighter’d.

 

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