Nurse the Hate: NFL Week 4

I am in one of those hotels with the sleek coffee bar/breakfast nook spot that charges you $17.75 for a fruit cup.  I know it’s better for my overall well-being than the $12.50 blueberry explosion muffin, but $17.75 is a lot of money for three grapes, two cantaloupe chunks and a whole bunch of honeydew melon.  Has there ever been anyone in history that prefers the honeydew melon, the celery of the fruit world, to any of the possible other fruits possible in the fruit cup?  The honeydew appears to exist solely to act as filler in all fruit salads.  I mean, when is the last time you saw anyone just sit down and dig into a honeydew melon?  “Hey Burt!  What you got for lunch today?  Is that an entire honeydew melon you lucky son of a bitch?”.  When have you seen a group of kids scream out “honeydew!” when asked what kind of ice cream they want?  Honeydew is the melon chunk you push away with your plastic fork so you can get to the solitary strawberry.   I consider the blueberry explosion muffin.  I do the right thing.  I pay the $17.75 for the plastic cup of honeydew with two (2) cantaloupe chunks and two (2) red grapes.

I am looking at the betting lines for this weekend and a few catch my eye.  Everyone has jumped off the New York Giants bandwagon.  Everyone.  What was being touted as a potential Super Bowl team is now 0-3 and the NY Media is climbing inside the ass of anyone in a Giant uniform and just hacking away with a pick axe.  The assumption is that the Giants will never win again.  Meanwhile, Tampa is getting all types of love after the team was featured on HBO’s “Hard Knocks”.  After watching that, I love Jameis Winston.  He might be the best guy of all time.  Love him.  We all do.  That’s why The Public is going to be all over Tampa.  While they zig, I’m going to zag.  I like the Giants this week +3.5.  

I like to bet Kansas City at home.  Even when the Chiefs sucked, they were a good bet at home.  There are three things to do in Kansas City.  There’s an incredible World War I museum.  There’s great barbeque.  Lastly, you can put on an ugly red jacket and get shitfaced on 16 oz cans of Bud Light while screaming at the Chiefs to rip someone’s femur out.  It’s a nice way to spend a Sunday I’m told.  KC has covered 13 of their last 15 games.  Do you know who has noticed?  No one because Alex Smith is QB and it is happening in the center of the country.  If this team was on the East Coast Michael Irvin would be laughing like a rabid jackal screaming about “Chief fever” while waving around a rubber tomahawk while all the other ex-athletes in their expensive suits would be shoveling praise on top of it.  The Redskins sort of suck.  Teams that sort of suck get handled at home by the Chiefs.  Kansas City -6.5

Baltimore is getting three at home against the Steelers.  The Public always reacts to what just happened, assuming that this will repeat itself over and over.  Baltimore got destroyed in London by Jacksonville.  Crushed.  Those London games are wacky.  You’ve got guys calling you “mate” every two seconds, cars driving on the wrong side of the road, tiny Euro showers, and those Euro sirens going “wah wuh wah wuh wah wuh” at all hours making you think some Islamic extremist is outside chopping people’s limbs off with a machete.  It’s hard to focus on Blake Bortles when all that shit is going on.  This is a divisional game that is always close.  This is one of those rivalry games that isn’t just TV generated hype.  These teams get up for this game.  14 of the last 19 games have been decided by 4 or less points.  Baltimore is tough at home.  Give me the Ravens at home +3.

Season record: 2-4