Nurse the Hate: NFL Week 2 Revised

I was a bit premature in my earlier week 2 NFL post.  I should have assumed that Sam Bradford would have somehow gotten hurt in Week 1.  Sam Bradford can get hurt opening a can of Sprite.  I should have seen that situation as self-evident.  There has never been an injury report without Sam Bradford's name on it.  While degenerate gamblers should probably praise Bradford and his persistence to either play through or recover from horrific physical ailments, instead we utter profanity whenever his name is mentioned.  Most people in the Greater Metropolitan St. Louis area are under the impression Bradford's first name is "Fucking" as in "Fucking Bradford...".

As the Vikings are now going to start Case Keenum at QB on the road in Pittsburgh, I am pressing the panic button and getting out of that wager.  Case Keenum seems like a really good guy.  He is also not a very good quarterback.  Veteran NFL gamblers have long said "Case Keenum is starting?  On the road?  How much money can we get to Nevada before kickoff?".  I should probably gather up my life's savings and place it on the Steelers today at -6.  It is the right thing to do.  I am a coward though.  I don't think my heart could stand the stress of an otherwise meaningless Steelers v Vikings game with my entire life in the balance.  It is sort of darkly appealing to have a wager where if you won you would gain complete financial independence.  The downside is if you lost you would have to shoot yourself in the head with a pistol in the shower.  The future as a penniless street urchin would be too much to bear.  It's best just to run away from that entire scenario.

I am now going to focus on two things I believe will happen.  1.  I believe that the Patriots, having a full four more days to prepare than the Saints will win on the road.  I don't think it is possible that the Pats after a loss can bungle a huge advantage like that.  The Saints have two terrible tackles protecting their 38 year old franchise QB.  That's going to be an issue for them as New England's defense was just embarrassed on national TV.  It's not lining up well for New Orleans.  I just can't wrap my head around New England starting at 0-2.  2.  I think the Browns can stay close with the Ravens today.  Here's a quick little fact.  The Ravens have only won by double digits once in the last five years at home.  They do not appear to have an offense.  Though the Ravens are only giving the Browns 7.5, the solution is to employ our little friend "The Teaser" (also known as "the sucker bet") to move the line six points.  New England -.5/Cleveland +13.5

I recognize that betting on the Browns is foolhardy behavior.  I am powerless to stop it though.  I have been browbeaten by local media to think that the Browns have turned some type of corner and are now a legitimate NFL franchise.  This is exactly how the Browns disappoint the community each and every year.  No one builds up hopes and then crashes them to the ground like the Browns.  They are like having a son that continually goes to rehab with promises of "This time will be different Dad.  I love you!" who then comes home and steals the cash from your wallet for heroin.  Is that too strong?  No.  No it is not.  If and when the Browns let me down, I will be forced to make a mammoth bet on the Raiders today -13.5.  As I have well documented in story and song, the Jets never cover the spread.

Season record:  Still 0-2.