Nurse the Hate: Browns Training Camp

I went to Cleveland Browns training camp yesterday.  The Browns hold open practices for the public multiple times per week which allows fans the opportunity to get close to the players watching them perform mind numbing drills and get yelled at by coaches.  After you get past the novelty of being close to incredibly large and fast human beings, there isn’t much to do.  In my case, I was in the “Friends and Family VIP Tent”.  While I am not a direct descendant of a Cleveland Brown, I did loosely qualify as a “friend”, or maybe better put the company I work for did.  Being in the VIP Tent affords me the chance to eat complimentary nachos and stand around with other well heeled powerful business executives and engage in shit talk.  It’s a better way to spend two hours than sitting in front of a computer.

The regular fans, or “The Great Unwashed” as I would say from my lofty perch in the VIP Tent, ring the entire set of fields intently watching.  In most cases they are outfitted in team gear.  These are the True Believers.  Regardless of how many times the team has pulled the rug out from under these fans, they come back for more.  It’s fascinating really.  Since the team’s return in 1999, they have not demonstrated even once the ability to make a strong organizational decision.  At every single fork in the road, they have chosen the wrong path.  Against all odds, each decision they make is wrong.  Yet the Browns have consistently maintained a smug attitude of superiority despite all evidence and history showing that they have no idea what the fuck they are doing.  Still, the fans come back for more like battered girlfriends.

There is something childlike to see grown men in football jerseys of players half their age.  It is even better when the jersey is of a just acquired player, one that in the back of their minds they know will let them down.  I often feel like I should put a fatherly arm around these men to offer them council.  If given the opportunity, I would calmly give them the two basic rules of purchasing a player jersey.  1. Never buy a jersey of a player that has yet to play in the NFL.  There is a better than average chance that this guy will be a major disappointment and then suddenly there you are walking around promoting “major disappointments”.  2.  If possible, buy a jersey of a legendary player that is deceased.  The risk of buying a current player is twofold.  First, it can never be certain if that player, while a star now, might make a catastrophic mistake that will forever stain their name a la Earnest Byner.  Even worse, as in my case as a child, you could have an OJ Simpson jersey and discover that Simpson might have anger management issues which will become rather well documented.  In either case, the risk obviously outweighs the reward.  Keep it safe with a long deceased Hall of Famer like Otto Graham.  No one is nosing around Otto’s background to see if he was involved with anything heinous.  The chance of an "Otto Graham's Pre-teen Girl Sex Ring" story coming out is pretty slim.

At camp there is an energy of hope and optimism.  I don't know where that comes from.  Where do people find that kind of hope?  The team has gone 1-31 in their last two years.  It doesn’t matter in August.  The fans circling those fields have convinced themselves that every free agent will play beyond their projection, every draft pick a blossoming star.  There is a tangible optimism.  Meanwhile, I stare down and think “that guy is slower than I thought he’d be” and “Wow, is he small”.  I am either pragmatic or cynical.  I wish that I could have the mindset of “everything is going to work out”.  I don’t though.  I am battered around enough by life and have enough memory to know “it’s not going to happen.  All of your dreams will be crushed.”  As a result, despite this overall communal feeling of hope at camp, I stand around feeling surprisingly lonely and sad.

The first preseason game is next TH.  The fans will be able to talk themselves into their optimistic outlook regardless of what happens on the field.  “It’s just a scrimmage.  When the regular season comes, they’ll be fine.”  They won’t though.  They never are.  The team will slog through a losing season, filled with indignities and self destructive disasters.  The fans will start to grumble by mid October.  They will continue to support the team.  By 2019, they will get excited about the draft and new players signed via free agency.  By this time next summer they will return to camp, just like I will.  They will be filled with enthusiasm about the future.  It will make me sad. 

Go Browns.