Saturday, December 15, 2018

Nurse the Hate: NFL Week 15

I met a woman who is a “life coach” this week.  I’m not sure what credentials one needs to proclaim themselves worthy of being a life coach.  Maybe it’s just having a general vibe of having your shit together.  My gut is that most of her friends most come to her for advice on things like yoga classes, interior decorators, and recommended cosmetic dentists.  Eventually the dots were connected for her to do it full time.  She recommended I attend her upcoming “workshop” on dealing with stress.  This seemed like a terrible idea.  I told her that I had my own methods, which of course she then wanted to know specifics.  When I told her “working out and drinking lots of wine”, she looked at me with a combination of pity and scorn.  I forgot to throw in “Sports Gambling”, which I do not think would have helped my cause.  However, I’ll bet there is a roomful of wealthy women right now “sharing in a non judgmental way” that could have saved themselves an $800 workshop fee if they just bought a nice bottle of Pol Roger and dropped some jack on the games this weekend.  There are some real opportunities this week too.

The Titans are perhaps the most boring team in the NFL.  Every time I watch a Titans game I see Mariota throw an incomplete pass of about 3 yards.  Sometimes a running back goes into the line for two yards.  The uniforms are ugly.  The players aren’t memorable.  The defense is pretty good though.  Like I said, I can’t recall any of the players by name, but they keep the games low scoring. The Public seems to think the Giants are good after they beat the Bears with Chase Daniel at QB and turnover plagued Tampa.  This is a mirage.  They aren’t dropping 35 on the Titans, especially with no Odell at WR.  I’ll take the boring Titans to grind out a win here.  Tennessee -1.5

Another team it’s always wise to bet against is the Detroit Lions.  The Lions won on the road versus Arizona last week despite scoring no offensive touchdowns.  Stafford has an injured back, and all the skill players are second teamers.  This motley collection of players is going to fly across the country to go play outside in Buffalo, who has strangely morphed into an average football team after ending “The Peterman Experiment”.  I am fading the Lions on the road, which is always a smart thing to do.  No one has ever lost money betting against the Lions on the road.  Look it up.  Buffalo -2.5

I plan on watching a great deal of football on Sunday.  As the Browns won’t be on, I will have to make it interesting by having action on as much of the league as possible.  How about a five team parlay?  Everyone loves a sucker bet, and no one more than me!  Buffalo over the Lions because the Lions are the Lions.  The Arizona Cardinals cannot score.  This is a hindrance in winning NFL Football games; so let’s take Atlanta at home.  The Jacksonville Jaguars hated Blake Bortals so much, they are playing inspired football with Cody Kessler, who really sucks.  The good news is that they are hosting the Washington Redskins, who mercifully ended The Mark Sanchez Comeback, and have now turned to Josh Johnson.  Yes, you read that correctly.  The Redskins have given up on the season and just want to go home.  Jacksonville.  Speaking of giving up, how can the Eagles hope to go on the road to beat the Rams?  They had their playoff dreams killed in Dallas last week, now have to fly out to LA to play a Ram team that wants to get back on the rails after an embarrassing loss to the Bears.  Rams.  Finally, I am on the Houston Texans over the Jets.  Jets coach Todd Bowles is a Dead Man Walking.  The Texans want to close out the AFC South.  These are teams heading in two very different directions.  I bet the Jets hang in there, but the Texans win.  All I need are those five games to come in and I get paid out 3-1.  With that kind of money, I’m buying something extravagant. You know, like a pony.

Current Record:  14-9   


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