Nurse the Hate: When the Going Gets Weird, the Weird Turn Pro or NFL Week 5

 

Things are weird right now.  There was a couple walking down my street in straw cowboy hats carrying a huge Trump flag as if they were going to a parade.  I think it might be the guy that has decorated a four wheeler in Trump banners and flags and parked it in his driveway.  Though I appreciate the fact that he has advertised that he’s a fascist/racist for the community to understand, it’s still hard to wrap your head around the idea that anyone is that enthusiastic about a 74 year old man that wears orange pancake makeup and can't string a sentence together.  I guess if Mussolini had a TV show, that guy would have been down with him too.  Goatee pickup truck guys like him wanted to kill the Michigan governor because she wanted them to wear a cloth mask on their mouth/nose when they went into stores.  They already play Army dress up.  Couldn't they have just worked that in to their little outfits?  It's a wild world out there.  These are uncertain times indeed.  It's hard to tell what is going on.

As if NFL Football isn’t already a wilderness of misinformation and inconclusive statistics, now savvy gamblers need to focus in on the potential covid exposure to the Chiefs starting QB.  It was bad enough trying to figure out what “questionable” means regarding a key receiver, but how am I supposed to know if Patrick Mahomes went to get some wings with Kayleigh McEnany and now has body aches?   If Mahomes can’t go, that means KC has to trot out Chad Henne, a quarterback that hasn’t won a game since he beat Illinois in his senior year at Michigan.  How would you like to be laying 13.5 and have Henne on your side?  That’s not good.  I’d rather be one of those poor Secret Service drivers that got stuck motoring covid leaking Trump around so he could wave at the hillbillies outside his hospital room.   I had to get my action down on TH afternoon, and just on the chance that Mahomes got covid by his exposure to covid positive Patriots safety Stephon Gilmore, I’m on the Vegas Raiders +13.5.  It's just too many points in a divisional game, even though betting against KC is scary.

Now that the Eagles got a win, the national media stopped focusing in on how bad they are.  That’s great because it’s not like they suddenly got good by beating an injury decimated 49ers last week.  Now they play Pittsburgh’s elite defense without starting receivers Alshon Jeffrey and DeSean Jackson.  I have no idea how they are going to score enough points to beat the 3-0 Steelers.  The Eagles lost to Washington and tied the Bengals.  Let that soak in.  You think they can beat Pittsburgh?  No way.  Wentz is going to cough the ball up three plus times.  Pittsburgh -7.

The Browns v Colts game this week is about betting on if Phillip Rivers turns the ball over and if the Cleveland offensive line can roll over Indy like they have everyone else.  Rivers turning the ball over is a given.  He has aged out of being an elite QB three years ago, which everyone in the league knew except the Colts apparently.  If you need someone to throw a backbreaking late interception, he’s your guy.  My fear is if the Browns fall behind by two scores and it is up to Mayfield to get them back into the game.  Mayfield is not good.  He is never going to be good.  With luck, he might become “serviceable”, like a very expensive version of Case Keenum but with more endorsement deals.  The line opened at Cleveland -2 and money poured onto the Colts to move it to Cleveland +1.5 at home.  When they zig, we zag.  I’m going against The Public and hoping like hell it’s not up to Mayfield in the fourth quarter.  Cleveland +1.5

The Texans fired Bill O’Brien.  That is understandable as he was a terrible GM.  The problem was he was a decent coach, and now they will roll with Romeo Crennell as interim coach.  Being a Browns fan, I know what happens when Romeo becomes coach.  He stands on the sidelines looking very confused while his team gets a bunch of penalties and runs predictable plays.  I don’t think the Texan players were high fiving each other when they heard Romeo was taking over.  It’s like when you work at a place and the guy that was running the show quits and suddenly the jovial assistant manager is in charge.  Sure, everyone likes the jolly fat guy but no one wants him making big decisions.  Romeo would be an awesome guy to go visit and sit in his oversized reclining sofa to watch the game.  He is a terrible guy to hand the headphones and clipboard to and say “go win us a game”.  Yeah, Jacksonville sucks but the Texans are four weeks in and thinking “what the fuck happened? Our season is over.”.  I’m on Jacksonville +5.5

Season Record:  5-5