Of Course

 

The kid at the grocery store rang up my purchase.  He had these big bangs like I used to have in 1983.  He doesn't know yet that this look is something he will try to distance himself from in the future.  It's tough to know in the moment what haircut or pair of pants will age poorly and haunt you in adulthood.  You are feeling like you're badass in 2025, then 12 years later your fiance is squinting at a family photo asking your mother why she let you look like Dee Dee Ramone.  This shit moves fast.

I paid for the groceries and the kid handed me my receipt.  I thanked him.  "Of course" was his response.  There has been an odd language move amongst the 18-30 age demographic where they refuse to say "you're welcome" and now exclusively use "of course".  I don't know what's going on there.  It seems like some sort of minor language turf war that is an attempt to gain the high ground where "of course" suggests less subservience than "thank you", though I will admit it might just be some Tik Tok influencer I don't know or care about busted out an "of course" and people just picked up on it.  I drove to get gas.  I walked inside and bought an unsweetened iced tea, the most rare of all gas station drinks, at the local "Get-Go" mart.  The very tall androgynous clerk said "of course" after I made the purchase and thanked them, which led me to shift my thinking from "Why would an androgynous 20 year old get a death defying job at a hillbilly Get-Go?" to "Why the fuck is everyone that age now saying "of course"?.  I don't know. 

When I was seven years old, David Bowie was out in front of that "I think we're all gay!" scare that rippled through suburban America with glam.  Out of touch parents didn't understand that it was just a shock tactic, to be mirrored by the Satanic Metal scare of the 1980s and the truly terrifying suburban teens trend of glomming onto hip hop culture in the 1990s.  That was a weird moment when all the rappers wanted to be rich and all their suburban fanbase wanted to be a poor inner city gang member.  Kids in developmental phases are eager to stake out positions that will get a reaction, and my gut is that there will be quite a few androgynous folks seeking to put a spin on their 2025 appearance in about 12 years.  I don't really care one way or the other as I don't have the skin in the game of a parent with a 17 year old girl hoping to win the Sectional volleyball title this year, and as well all know NOTHING is as important as suburban high school sports.  

The summer marches on and I look forward to when I look at the calendar this week and say out loud, "I can't believe it's almost August!" as if this summer has gone more quickly than any of the others before it.  When you live in the Great Lakes Region, the calendar works like this:  Winter goes from January 1-April 30th. Most of May is Spring.  Summer is Memorial Day weekend with a hard stop at Labor Day weekend.  September to mid-November is Fall.  Then you enter the 30 week winter season.  The only good news is football is almost back.  

I am starting to look at more of these season long win totals bets.  These are tough, as the NFL's team margins are so razor thin.  I take great caution at ever betting an OVER as each team is essentially one devastating QB injury away from doom.  For example, you can be very bullish on the Cincinnati Bengals to win over 9.5 games this year, but what happens if injury plagued Joe Burrow goes down in Week 3?  You want to get on Jake Browning to lead the Bengals to 10 wins?  Be my guest.  As a result, I tend to lean on the unders as more bad things can happen to teams than good things during the course of the year.  There are a couple I am kicking around right now...

The Chicago Bears at 8.5 wins is fraught with danger.  They won 5 games last year.  Between us, I'm not sold on Caleb Williams being "the answer" as a franchise QB as the Bears have a long history of choosing the wrong guy to be their savior at QB.  Jay Cutler turned out to be Jay Cutler.  They missed on MVP Mitch.  Their best modern QB is who?  Jim McMahon?  And he only gave them three good years.  I have a hard time seeing how Chicago can win 9 in what is expected to be the toughest division in the NFL.  I'm leaning under there.

The Hype Train is on the Patriots.  Drake Maye is already been ordained by the New England area media as The Shit.  Getting Mike Vrabel as head coach, who they should have hired in the first place, is being expected to turn them into instant playoff contenders.  That over/under number is sitting at 8.5 wins.  Let's pump the brakes here.  Vrabel made the playoffs 3 times in 6 years at Tennessee, and he had a generational running back in Travis Henry.  The Patriots had a massive point differential last year, it's not like they lose heartbreakers at the end of games.  They won four games last year.  They sucked.  Why are they going to more than double their win total?  Let's stay in our shoes here.  If they go 7-10 and stay competitive all year, that's a strong foot forward for the organization.  It's also an under.  

Let's keep an eye on these training camp injuries and enjoy the rest of the summer.  It will be time to spring into action in no time and allow ourselves to make a windfall of cash.  When we do, I don't expect you to say "thank you".  But if you do, I will certainly give you a heartfelt response of "of course".