Nurse the Hate: Hate Gun Control

There is clearly no reason to have even a discussion about guns in our society.  There is no problem.  To even suggest having a conversation about this issue is to throw away the very Constitution itself.  This document from the late 1700s was clearly intended to make sure deranged individuals had the same access to weapons with capabilities well beyond the imaginations of the Founding Fathers as any normal well adjusted citizen.  Thomas Jefferson would have been 100% on board with a 20 year old fuck up having more firepower than an entire company of professional soldiers from when he wrote that document.  Why wouldn’t he?  In fact, why are we all so touchy about nuclear weapons?  Why are my constitutional rights being violated?  Why can’t I have an intercontinental nuclear ballistic missle?  That is complete bullshit. 

Some people are going to be worked up about two random mass shootings in a week.  Let’s point out that there were five days this week where no one showed up in a public place and started firing weapons at people for no reason.  Quit being such pussies.  If we get to the point where every single day there is an incident where a crazy white guy kills strangers with firearms, I think that we should maybe talk about the possibility of discussing the chance that we might maybe talk about thinking about changing our current gun policy.  And I will stand firm on that!

Let’s also remember that guns don’t kill people, people kill people.  I think we all remember the past when guns were more difficult to acquire and had less firepower.  Who can forget the weekly mass stabbings as men with knives went wild in shopping malls, slaying all those in their path?  And how many of us lost family members to being clubbed as they sat in movie theaters?  It was an epidemic!  There was a time when you couldn’t walk down the street for fear of being strangled.  I lost seven kids in my high school to random axe attacks. 

The issue as I see it is why weren’t the teachers and children in that school armed to the teeth?  As well all know, the solution to stopping the occasional armed lunatic is to provide everyone in the entire population with weapons.  This obviously would have been the case today if the irresponsible parents of those children hadn’t failed to send their eight year olds to school with at least a snub nosed .38 revolver and extra ammunition.  Instead of playing with action figures and legos, those kids should have been firing powerful guns at human targets in spooky camps in the woods.  Those parents will have to wrestle with the grief of their lost children knowing that if only they had put a small concealable 9mm pistol in their kid’s lunchbox this morning, they would have had a happy and normal childhood.  Nothing promotes safety and smiling well adjusted children like a totally armed population.  I’ve always said when I’ve been in an urban area facing a problem like a traffic dispute, argument at a sporting event, or even a shoving match at a bar is “You know what we need here?  A whole bunch of guns and ammunition so we could sort this thing out!”. 

An incident like today’s mass shooting is a tragedy.  However, we can’t let emotion lead us into even having a national conversation about guns.  We need an armed population so if the government gets out of control, the citizens can take control from the army.  I know that most Marines would not want to tangle with a small group of folks that get together every weekend to shoot their retail firearms at a firing range.  Sure, they rolled through the third largest army on the planet in a week in Iraq, but how can you compare them to real red blooded Americans?  Our nation's military is our biggest export besides trash culture and fast food.  Nobody puts on a war like we do!  Still, if we all have access to second rate weapons, we can get rid of that pesky army in no time.  Wolverine!!!

 

Today I feel more sure than ever that the last thing we should do is even notice these school shootings.  We do not want to even mention the possibility of thinking about the chance that somebody might want to consider giving thought to the idea that we should talk about these guns.