Friday, December 7, 2012

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Dallas Cowboys

I have always looked upon people that have rooted for the Dallas Cowboys as front runners.  These are the type of people that “have always been into the Black Keys” when you know they couldn’t find the Beachland or Lime Spider with a navigation system and a Sherpa guide.  The front running Dallas Cowboy fan also coincidentally likes the Los Angeles Lakers and New York Yankees.  They love rooting for the favorite.  They can't help it.  It's in their DNA.  If your Mom got cancer, they would be rooting unabashedly for “cancer”.  They might even paint their face to show up at her bedside to root for the disease and gloat when she died.  “I knew cancer was going to win.” they would snidely remark while walking out of the hospital in their Cancer t-shirt and matching ballcap. 

The front running fan loves to use the word “we” in relation to their dynasty team of choice, as in “We have 17 championships”.  No, the team has 17 championships.  You just watched a bunch of games where strangers competed against each other in matching shirts that identifies them as your favorites.  “You” didn’t run the winning touchdown in at the Super Bowl.  “You” were scraping the last bits of nachos from a plastic container at the Super Bowl party at your Uncle Dave’s house. 

It’s not easy to root for the Cowboys.  When I was a little kid in Philadelphia, I used to go to Eagles games with my father.  Every Philadelphia stereotype you can think of was sitting in the seats around us.  Directly behind us a fleshy faced old man used to smoke two cigars, one lit in the beginning of each half.  They were cheap cigars, the kind that men that spent their free time at football games, boxing matches, and union meetings smoked.  Even now if I smell a certain kind of cheap cigar, I immediately think of being five years old and listening to grown men yell profanities at “the fucking Cowboys”.  I still vividly remember a game I went to in October of 1973 where Roman Gabriel threw two touchdowns to Harold Carmichael and the Eagles beat Dallas for the first time in years.  The Cowboy’s Lee Roy Jordan stomped up and down on the sidelines in a temper tantrum as the clock ran out.  It was the only time I ever saw the cigar smoking man smile.  

That’s what makes it so difficult to take Dallas +3 this week against Cincinnati.  Sure, the Cowboys haven’t been really good for a long time, but they still swagger around like nothing has changed.  Let’s take emotion out of this.  This game looks like a money maker to me.  The Cowboys get DeMarco Murray back and that means they should be able to run.  If they can run, maybe Romo doesn’t have to run for his life like he normally does every Sunday.  That is huge. Dallas's wide receivers are going to be a problem for Cincinnati.

You know I have a soft spot in my heart for the good people of Cincinnati.  I genuinely wish them well.  The Bengals have won four in a row, but the last three were against San Diego, Oakland, and Kansas City a.k.a. The Dregs of Professional Football.  As all of my friends in the Greater Cincinnati area know, the Bengals love to let you down when they have built you up the most.  This seems like a great heartbreaking loss.  A should-win game at home to keep on target for a Playoff run against an injury plagued Dallas team?  I’m going to take Dallas +3 and confidently watch Cincinnati shoot themselves in the foot. 

I haven’t been to Baltimore in a really long time.  In the early 1990s I went with my then girlfriend to stay at her friend’s house.  I don’t remember much about the visit except I had nothing in common with anyone (including my soon to be ex-girlfriend as it turns out) and a very uncomfortable incident involving the family dog.  The dog really liked to go in the garbage and let me tell you with great confidence that no one was very excited to see him dredge up the used condom from our guest bedroom and run around the house with it like a leaky streamer.  “Snickers!  What do you have there?  Oh… oh… Oh!”   

Like I said, we were all very uncomfortable. 

I don’t hold that against the city of Baltimore and I will not this Sunday as I take Baltimore +2.5 over the Redskins.  Yes, I know that RG3 is in a Subway ad every 45 seconds.  Yes, he looks really good on those Gatorade ads and ESPN montages.  You must not lose focus on the key fact in all of this.   The Redskins kinda blow and they have to play a Ravens team that most rational people agree are a legitimate Playoff team.  I see Baltimore as a team that finds a way to win.  They always seem to pull these late season games off.  Take that and 2.5 points and it’s a nice little wager.
Current Record Vs Spread 9-8-1     


At December 15, 2012 at 6:20:00 PM EST , Blogger Cannon said...

And that's why you have never been back to Baltimore! My sides are still hurting from the laughter.

At December 15, 2012 at 8:46:00 PM EST , Blogger Greg Miller said...

It was very uncomfortable.


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